You and I have only one chance to be a good father. We have to do it right the first time because the fruits of our fatherhood, for better or worse, will be felt for generations. What could be more difficult in today's society than being a provider, protector, teacher, coach, disciplinarian, and spiritual leader? Trying to fulfill all these fatherly roles is the greatest challenge a man can face.

Where do we learn how to be a good father? How can we get it right the first time?

Fatherhood is more caught than taught. We need the power of a good example to imitate and assimilate in our fatherhood.

The best starting point is to reproduce in our fatherhood those good traits we saw in our fathers. We tend to become what we think. A wise man won't dwell on negative memories of his father but concentrate instead on his good qualities. If we focus on our fathers' failings (and every father has them), then we will import those failures into our own fatherhood. On the other hand, by imitating and cultivating their strengths we can pass on their heritage, hopefully in an even fuller measure, to our children. God's plan is for the good things in family life to grow as they go down the generations.

The Church is the family of God. These seven words express a profound reality. Just as we can draw strength for our fatherhood from our earthly families, so also we have an inexhaustible legacy for our fatherhood in the saints of the Catholic Church. The saints are a vibrant witness on how to practically live the Christian life. A man seeking to be a good father will be careful to walk in the footsteps of the saints.

After St. Joseph, one of the best saints for Christian fathers to imitate is St. Thomas More. The life of this layman who became a saint is like a diamond reflecting the many facets of a good father.

A prime ingredient in successful fatherhood is proper priorities. Without godly priorities we dissipate our energies and resources on things of only secondary and passing importance.

St. Thomas More had proper priorities because he put God first in his life. He rose early for prayer, scripture reading and study. He also attended daily Mass. From his rich spiritual life he had an abundance to share with his family, his Church, and his country.

Thomas More was a member of Parliament, sheriff of London, foreign ambassador, knight, speaker of the House of Commons, sub-treasurer to the king, lawyer, judge, the first layman to serve as the Lord Chancellor of England (to enforce the laws against heretics), and an apologist for the Catholic faith. His collected writings fill more than 11,000 pages. Yet because of the divine priorities More cultivated, work did not absorb all of his energies.

Thomas More made his family the chief priority in choosing where to live. Just when More's professional life was bringing him into great social and political prominence in London, he moved his family (including his grown children and grandchildren) to a thirty-two acre farm on the north bank of the Thames River. He believed that the English countryside was a much more wholesome environment in which to raise a family. He commuted by boat to London. Fathers weighing possible job transfers should consider the option that will provide the most wholesome environment for their families.

St. Thomas More considered the priesthood earlier in life, but he knew his vocation was that of a husband and father. Joy, music, and laughter filled More's deeply spiritual household. Thomas More was famous for his wit and humor. His children often had a difficult time knowing whether he was being serious, or just teasing them with one of his jokes.

Deeply religious fathers, especially those like More who considered the priesthood, often confuse their vocation and attempt to impose a rigorous spirituality upon their families. I recently heard of a father pressuring his wife and young children to gather for several extended prayer times on Sundays. Other men who are serious about their faith, but shallow in their Christian maturity, think Christianity must be somber. Such attitudes will produce negative reactions in the lives of their children.

More was a very serious man. Yet he was always bringing pets home to entertain his family: a monkey, birds, weasels and a host of other animals. Yes, a saintly father can provide lots of fun for his family. Any man tempted to lose his spiritual balance by sliding into rigorousness or somberness should remember More's monkey!

The chief purpose of marriage is the procreation and education of children. Too many Catholic dads dump the entire responsibility for teaching their children onto the shoulders of their wives or teachers. The Catholic Church teaches that mothers and fathers are the primary educators of their children.

Thomas More took a keen interest in the spiritual formation and education of his children. He emphasized education in virtue. Unlike some fathers who mistakenly think their child's educational goal is to get into Harvard instead of heaven, More "put virtue in the first place … learning in the second."

More developed his children's curriculum that included Latin, Greek, theology, philosophy, logic, astronomy, and mathematics. His children were "home educated" by hired Oxford tutors. More's one son and three daughters were among the best educated in Europe. In an age when women had little in the way of education, More educated five brilliant young women (his three daughters, an adopted daughter, and a ward). His daughter Margaret astounded scholars with her mastery of Latin.

The burgeoning Catholic homeschool movement has yet to identify a patron saint for homeschooling fathers. This new educational phenomenon needs to look no farther than to Thomas More (along with St. Joseph of course) as a model for homeschool dads.

Despite being such a devoted father, More was not solely occupied with the welfare of his own family. During the famine of the winter of 1528, he fed 100 people a day at his home. More is a perfect example of fulfilling the part of the purpose statement of St. Joseph's Covenant Keepers that says, "We will show concern not just for our own families. We will also strive for a Christlike concern for the spiritual and material welfare of other families in our communities, in our parishes, and throughout the world" (Christian Fatherhood, p. 33).

People often ask me if I think the current Christian men's movement will be a fad like the many spiritual movements that seem to come and go every few years. I believe those portions of the Christian men's movement that sidestep tough issues such as the indissolubility of marriage and the immorality of birth control will not bear lasting fruit.

The real test of a Christian men's movement is whether it can bear enduring fruit running down through the generations in families. An authentic men's ministry will continue for generations: "The father may die, and yet he is not dead, for he has left behind him one like himself…" (Sirach 30:4).

A glance in the old Catholic Encyclopedia (Vol. X, p. 564 and Vol. XIV, p. 692) showed three entries for More's descendents. More's great-grandson was a Jesuit scholar and missionary twice imprisoned for the faith. More's great-great-granddaughter was a Benedictine nun known for her deep spirituality. The last male heir of the martyr was Fr. Thomas More, S.J. who died in 1795.

Fathers today who follow the example of More by courageously living the fullness of the Catholic faith and teaching it to their children by example and by word will see the faith continue long after their lifetime.

The fruits of this layman saint's fatherhood are not limited to a few generations in his family. Saint Thomas More is a father for all seasons, especially in times where the faith and the family are under ferocious attack. More's fatherhood did not end when Henry VIII had him beheaded. Rather, it took on an increased importance in the life in the Church.

I realize that I have only one chance to be a good father. I know that I need to keep the best examples of fatherhood before me. I need to have the greatest saints praying for me. If, by God's grace, I can incorporate even a fraction of Saint Thomas More's fatherhood into mine, then I have a much better chance of getting it right the first time.

St. Thomas More, pray for us fathers.