Guidelines for Education
within the Family
The Pontifical Council for the Family
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Rome November 21, 1995
Contents
Introduction
Chapter I: Called to True Love
Chapter II: True Love and Chastity
Chapter III: In the Light of Vocation
Chapter IV: Father and Mother as Educators
Chapter V: Paths of Formation within
the Family
Chapter VI: Learning Stages
Chapter VII: Practical Guidelines
Chapter VIII: Conclusion
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Introduction
The Situation and the Problem
1. Among the many difficulties
parents encounter today, despite different
social contexts, one certainly stands
out: giving children an adequate preparation
for adult life, particularly with regard
to education in the true meaning of
sexuality. There are many reasons for
this difficulty and not all of them
are new.
In the past, even when the family did
not provide specific sexual education,
the general culture was permeated by
respect for fundamental values and hence
served to protect and maintain them.
In the greater part of society, both
in developed and developing countries,
the decline of traditional models has
left children deprived of consistent
and positive guidance, while parents
find themselves unprepared to provide
adequate answers. This new context is
made worse by what we observe: an eclipse
of the truth about man which, among
other things, exerts pressure to reduce
sex to something commonplace. In this
area, society and the mass media most
of the time provide depersonalized,
recreational and often pessimistic information.
Moreover, this information does not
take into account the different stages
of formation and development of children
and young people, and it is influenced
by a distorted individualistic concept
of freedom, in an ambience lacking the
basic values of life, human love and
the family.
Then the school, making itself available
to carry out programmes of sex education,
has often done this by taking the place
of the family and, most of the time,
with the aim of only providing information.
Sometimes this really leads to the deformation
of consciences. In many cases parents
have given up their duty in this field
or agreed to delegate it to others,
because of the difficulty and their
own lack of preparation.
In such a situation, many Catholic
parents turn to the Church to take up
the task of providing guidance and suggestions
for educating their children, especially
in the phase of childhood and adolescence.
At times, parents themselves have brought
up their difficulties when they are
confronted by teaching given at school
and thus brought into the home by their
children. The Pontifical Council for
the Family has received repeated and
pressing requests to provide guidelines
in support of parents in this delicate
area of education.
2. Aware of this family dimension
of education for love and for living
one's own sexuality properly and conscious
of the unique "experience of humanity"
of the community of believers, our Council
wishes to put forward pastoral guidelines,
drawing on the wisdom which comes from
the Word of the Lord and the values
which illuminate the teaching of the
Church.
Therefore, above all, we wish to tie
this help for parents to fundamental
content about the truth and meaning
of sex, within the framework of a genuine
and rich anthropology. In offering this
truth, we are aware that "every
one who is of the truth" (John
18: 37) hears the word of the One who
is the Truth in Person (cf. John 14:
6).
This guide is meant to be neither a
treatise of moral theology nor a compendium
of psychology. But it does owe much
to the gains of science, to the socio-cultural
conditions of the family, and to the
proclamation of gospel values which
are always new and can be incarnated
in a concrete way in every age.
3. In this field, the Church
is strengthened by some unquestionable
certainties that have also guided the
preparation of this document.
Love is a gift of God, nourished by
and expressed in the encounter of man
and woman. Love is thus a positive force
directed towards their growth towards
maturity as persons. In the plan of
life which represents each person's
vocation, love is also a precious source
for the self-giving which all men and
women are called to make for their own
self-realization and happiness. In fact,
man is called to love as an incarnate
spirit, that is soul and body in the
unity of the person. Human love hence
embraces the body, and the body also
expresses spiritual love. Cf. John Paul
II, Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris
Consortio, November 22, 1981, 21; AAS
74 (1982), p. 105. Therefore, sexuality
is not something purely biological,
rather it concerns the intimate nucleus
of the person. The use of sexuality
as physical giving has its own truth
and reaches its full meaning when it
expresses the personal giving of man
and woman even unto death. As with the
whole of the person's life, love is
exposed to the frailty brought about
by original sin, a frailty experienced
today in many socio-cultural contexts
marked by strong negative influences,
at times deviant and traumatic. Nevertheless,
the Lord's Redemption has made the positive
practice of chastity into something
that is really possible and a motive
for joy, both for those who have the
vocation to marriage (before, in the
time of preparation, and afterwards,
in the course of married life) as well
as for those who have the gift of a
special calling to the consecrated life.
4. In the light of the Redemption
and how adolescents and young people
are formed, the virtue of chastity is
found within temperance—a cardinal
virtue elevated and enriched by grace
in baptism. So chastity is not to be
understood as a repressive attitude.
On the contrary, chastity should be
understood rather as the purity and
temporary stewardship of a precious
and rich gift of love, in view of the
self-giving realized in each person's
specific vocation. Chastity is thus
that "spiritual energy capable
of defending love from the perils of
selfishness and aggressiveness, and
able to advance it towards its full
realization". Ibid., 33.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church
describes and in a sense defines chastity
in this way: "Chastity means the
successful integration of sexuality
within the person and thus the inner
unity of man in his bodily and spiritual
being". Catechism of the Catholic
Church, October 11, 1992, 2337.
5. In the framework of educating
the young person for self-realization
and self-giving, formation for chastity
implies the collaboration first and
foremost of the parents, as is the case
with formation for the other virtues
such as temperance, fortitude and prudence.
Chastity cannot exist as a virtue without
the capacity to renounce self, to make
sacrifices and to wait.
In giving life, parents cooperate with
the creative power of God and receive
the gift of a new responsibility—not
only to feed their children and satisfy
their material and cultural needs, but
above all to pass on to them the lived
truth of the faith and to educate them
in love of God and neighbour. This is
the parents' first duty in the heart
of the "domestic church".
Cf. Second Vatican Council, Dogmatic
Constitution on the Church, Lumen Gentium,
11; Decree on the Apostolate of the
Laity, Apostolicam Actuositatem, 11.
The Church has always affirmed that
parents have the duty and the right
to be the first and the principal educators
of their children.
Taking up the teaching of the Second
Vatican Council, the Catechism of the
Catholic Church says: "It is imperative
to give suitable and timely instruction
to young people, above all in the heart
of their own families, about the dignity
of married love, its role and its exercise".
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1632,
citing Vatican Council II, Pastoral
Constitution on the Church in the Modern
World, Gaudium et Spes, 49.
6. The challenges raised today
by the mentality and social environment
should not discourage parents. In fact
it is worth recalling that Christians
have had to face up to similar challenges
of materialistic hedonism from the time
of the first evangelization. Moreover,
"This kind of critical reflection
should lead our society, which certainly
contains many positive aspects on the
material and cultural level, to realize
that, from various points of view, it
is a society which is sick and is creating
profound distortions in man. Why is
this happening? The reason is that our
society has broken away from the full
truth about man, from the truth about
what man and woman really are as persons.
Thus it cannot adequately comprehend
the real meaning of the gift of persons
in marriage, responsible love at the
service of fatherhood and motherhood,
and the true grandeur of procreation
and education". John Paul II, Letter
to Families, Gratissimam sane, February
2, 1994, 20: AAS 86 (1994), p. 917.
7. Therefore the educative work
of parents is indispensable for, "If
it is true that by giving life parents
share in God's creative work, it is
also true that by raising their children
they become sharers in his paternal
and at the same time maternal way of
teaching......Through Christ all education,
within the family, and outside of it,
becomes part of God's own saving pedagogy,
which is addressed to individuals and
families and culminates in the Paschal
Mystery of the Lord's Death and Resurrection".
Ibid., 16.
In their at times delicate and arduous
task, parents must not let themselves
become discouraged, rather they should
place their trust in the help of God
the Creator and Christ the Redeemer.
They should remember that the Church
prays for them with the words that Pope
Saint Clement I raised to the Lord for
all who bear authority in his name:
"Grant to them, Lord, health, peace,
concord and stability, so that they
may exercise without offence the sovereignty
that you have given them. Master, heavenly
King of the ages, you give glory, honour
and power over the things of the earth
to the sons of men. Direct, Lord, their
counsel, following what is pleasing
and acceptable in your sight, so that
by exercising with devotion and in peace
and gentleness the power that you have
given to them, they may find favour
with you". Saint Clement of Rome,
Letter to the Corinthians, 61: 1-2;
cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church,
1900. On the other hand, having given
and welcomed life in an atmosphere of
love, parents are rich in an educative
potential which no one else possesses.
In a unique way they know their own
children; they know them in their unrepeatable
identity and by experience they possess
the secrets and the resources of true
love.
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I—Called To True Love
8. As the image of God, man
is created for love. This truth was
fully revealed to us in the New Testament,
together with the mystery of the inner
life of the Trinity: "God is love
(1 John 4: 8) and in himself he lives
a mystery of personal loving communion.
Creating the human race in his own image....God
inscribed in the humanity of man and
woman the vocation, and thus the capacity
and responsibility, of love and communion.
Love is therefore the fundamental and
innate vocation of every human being."
Familiaris Consortio, 11. The whole
meaning of true freedom, and self-control
which follows from it, is thus directed
towards self-giving in communion and
friendship with God and with others.
Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic Letter,
Mulieris Dignitatem, August 15 1988,
7 and 18; AAS 80 (1988), pp. 1667 and
1693.
Human Love as Self-Giving
9. The person is thus capable
of a higher kind of love than concupiscence,
which only sees objects as a means to
satisfy one's appetites; the person
is capable rather of friendship and
self-giving, with the capacity to recognize
and love persons for themselves. Like
the love of God, this is a love capable
of generosity. One desires the good
of the other because he or she is recognized
as worthy of being loved. This is a
love which generates communion between
persons, because each considers the
good of the other as his or her own
good. This is a self-giving made to
one who loves us, a self-giving whose
inherent goodness is discovered and
activated in the communion of persons
and where one learns the value of loving
and of being loved.
Each person is called to love as friendship
and self-giving. Each person is freed
from the tendency to selfishness by
the love of others, in the first place
by parents or those who take their place
and, definitively, by God, from whom
all true love proceeds and in whose
love alone does man discover to what
extent he is loved. Here we find the
root of the educative power of Christianity:
"Humanity is loved by God! This
very simple yet profound proclamation
is owed to humanity by the Church."
John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation,
Christifideles Laici, December 30 1988,
34; AAS 81 (1989), p. 456.. In this
way Christ has revealed his true identity
to man: "Christ the new Adam, in
the very revelation of the mystery of
the Father and of his love, fully reveals
man to himself and brings to light his
most high calling." Gaudium et
Spes, 22.
The love revealed by Christ "which
the Apostle Paul celebrates in the First
Letter to the Corinthians...is certainly
a demanding love. But this is precisely
the source of its beauty: by the very
fact that it is demanding, it builds
up the true good of man and allows it
to radiate to others." Letter to
Families, Gratissimam Sane, 14. Therefore
it is a love which respects and builds
up the person because "Love is
true when it creates the good of persons
and of communities; it creates that
good and gives it to others." Ibid.,
14.
Love and Human Sexuality
10. Man is called to love and
to self-giving in the unity of body
and spirit. Femininity and masculinity
are complementary gifts, through which
human sexuality is an integrating part
of the concrete capacity for love which
God has inscribed in man and woman.
"Sexuality is a fundamental component
of personality, one of its modes of
being, of manifestation, of communicating
with others, of feeling, of expressing
and of living human love." Congregation
for Catholic Education, Educational
Guidance in Human Love, November 1,
1983, 4; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, December 5, 1983, p. 5. This
capacity for love as self-giving is
thus "incarnated" in the nuptial
meaning of the body, which bears the
imprint of the person's masculinity
and femininity. "The human body,
with its sex, and its masculinity and
femininity, seen in the very mystery
of creation, is not only a source of
fruitfulness and procreation, as in
the whole natural order, but includes
right 'from the beginning' the 'nuptial'
attribute, that is, the capacity of
expressing love: that love precisely
in which the man-person becomes a gift
and—by means of this gift—fulfils
the very meaning of his being and existence."
John Paul II, General Audience, January
16, 1980, 1; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, January 21, 1983, p. 1. Every
form of love will always bear this masculine
and feminine character.
11. Human sexuality is thus
a good, part of that created gift which
God saw as being "very good",
when he created the human person in
his image and likeness, and "male
and female he created them" (Genesis
1:27). Insofar as it is a way of relating
and being open to others, sexuality
has love as its intrinsic end, more
precisely, love as donation and acceptance,
love as giving and receiving. The relationship
between a man and a woman is essentially
a relationship of love: "Sexuality,
oriented, elevated and integrated by
love acquires truly human quality."
Educational Guidance in Human Love,
6. When such love exists in marriage,
self-giving expresses, through the body,
the complementarity and totality of
the gift. Married love thus becomes
a power which enriches persons and makes
them grow and, at the same time, it
contributes to building up the civilization
of love. But when the sense and meaning
of gift is lacking in sexuality, a "civilization
of things and not of persons" takes
over, "a civilization in which
persons are used in the same way as
things are used. In the context of a
civilization of use, woman can become
an object for man, children a hindrance
to parents..." Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 13.
12. The gift of God: this great
truth and basic fact stands at the centre
of the Christian conscience of parents
and their children. Here we refer to
the gift which God has given us in calling
us to life, to exist as man or woman
in an unrepeatable existence, full of
endless possibilities for growing spiritually
and morally: "human life is a gift
received in order then to be given as
a gift." John Paul II, Encyclical
Letter, Evangelium Vitae, March 25,
1995, 92; AAS (1995), p. 506. "In
fact the gift reveals, so to speak,
a particular characteristic of human
existence, or rather, of the very essence
of the person. When God Yahweh says
that 'it is not good that man should
be alone' (Genesis 2:18), he affirms
that 'alone', man does not completely
realize his existence. He realizes it
only by existing 'with some one'—and
even more deeply and completely: by
existing 'for some one'." John
Paul II, General Audience, January 9,
1980, 2; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, January 14, 1989, p. 1. Married
love is fulfilled in openness to the
other person and in self-giving, taking
the form of a total gift that belongs
to this state of life. Moreover, the
vocation to the consecrated life always
finds its meaning in self-giving, sustained
by a special grace, the gift of oneself
"to God alone with an undivided
heart in a remarkable manner" Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2349. in order
to serve him more fully in the Church.
Therefore, in every condition and state
of life, this gift comes to be ever
more wondrous by redeeming grace, through
which we become "partakers of the
divine nature" (2 Peter 1:4) and
are called to live the supernatural
communion of love together with God
and with our brothers and sisters. Even
in the most delicate situations, Christian
parents cannot forget that the gift
of God is there, at the very basis of
all personal and family history.
13. "As an incarnate spirit,
that is, a soul which expresses itself
in a body and a body informed by an
immortal spirit, man is called to love
in his unified totality. Love includes
the human body, and the body is made
a sharer in spiritual love." Familiaris
Consortio, 11. The meaning of sexuality
itself is to be understood in the light
of Christian Revelation: "Sexuality
characterizes man and woman not only
on the physical level, but also on the
psychological and spiritual, making
its mark on each of their expressions.
Such diversity, linked to the complementarity
of the two sexes, allows thorough response
to the design of God according to the
vocation to which each one is called."
Educational Guidance in Human Love,
5.
Married Love
14. When love is lived out in
marriage, it includes and surpasses
friendship. Love between a man and woman
is achieved when they give themselves
totally, each in turn according to their
own masculinity and femininity, founding
on the marriage covenant that communion
of persons where God has willed that
human life be conceived, grow and develop.
To this married love, and to this love
alone, belongs sexual giving, "realized
in a truly human way only if it is an
integral part of the love by which a
man and a woman commit themselves totally
to one another until death." Familiaris
Consortio, 11. The Catechism of the
Catholic Church recalls: "In marriage
the physical intimacy of the spouses
becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual
communion. Marriage bonds between baptized
persons are sanctified by the sacrament."
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2360.
Love Open to Life
15. The revealing sign of authentic
married love is openness to life: "In
its most profound reality, love is essentially
a gift; and conjugal love, while leading
the spouses to the reciprocal 'knowledge'....does
not end with the couple, because it
makes them capable of the greatest possible
gift, the gift by which they become
cooperators with God for giving life
to a new human person. Thus the couple,
while giving themselves to one another,
give not just themselves but also the
reality of children, who are a living
reflection of their love, a permanent
sign of conjugal unity and a living
and inseparable synthesis of their being
a father and a mother." Familiaris
Consortio, 14. From this communion of
love and life spouses draw that human
and spiritual richness and that positive
atmosphere for offering their children
the support of education for love and
chastity.
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II—True Love And Chastity
16. As we will later observe,
virginal and married love are the two
forms in which the person's call to
love is fulfilled. In order for both
to develop, they require the commitment
to live chastity, in conformity with
each person's own state of life. As
the Catechism of the Catholic Church
says, sexuality "becomes personal
and truly human when it is integrated
into the relationship of one person
to another, in the complete and mutual
lifelong gift of a man and a woman."
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2337.
Insofar as it entails sincere self-giving,
it is obvious that growth in love is
helped by that discipline of the feelings,
passions and emotions which leads us
to self-mastery. One cannot give what
one does not possess. If the person
is not master of self—through the
virtues and, in a concrete way, through
chastity—he or she lacks that self-possession
which makes self-giving possible. Chastity
is the spiritual power which frees love
from selfishness and aggression. To
the degree that a person weakens chastity,
his or her love becomes more and more
selfish, that is, satisfying a desire
for pleasure and no longer self-giving.
Chastity as Self-Giving
17. Chastity is the joyous affirmation
of someone who knows how to live self-giving,
free from any form of self-centred slavery.
This presupposes that the person has
learnt how to accept other people, to
relate with them, while respecting their
dignity in diversity. The chaste person
is not self-centred, not involved in
selfish relationships with other people.
Chastity makes the personality harmonious.
It matures it and fills it with inner
peace. This purity of mind and body
helps develop true self-respect and
at the same time makes one capable of
respecting others, because it makes
one see in them persons to reverence,
insofar as they are created in the image
of God and through grace are children
of God, re-created by Christ who "called
you out of darkness into his marvellous
light" (1 Peter 2:9).
Self-Mastery
18. "Chastity includes
an apprenticeship in self-mastery which
is a training in human freedom. The
alternative is clear: either man governs
his passions and finds peace, or he
lets himself be dominated by them and
becomes unhappy." Ibid., 2339.
Every person knows, by experience, that
chastity requires rejecting certain
thoughts, words and sinful actions,
as Saint Paul was careful to clarify
and point out (cf. Romans 1: 18; 6:
12-14; 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11; 2 Corinthians
7: 1; Galatians 5: 16-23; Ephesians
4: 17-24; 5: 3-13; Colossians 3: 5-8;
1 Thessalonians 4: 1-18; 1 Timothy 1:
8-11; 4: 12). To achieve this requires
ability and an attitude of self-mastery
which are signs of inner freedom, of
responsibility towards oneself and others.
At the same time, these signs bear witness
to a faithful conscience. Such self-mastery
involves both avoiding occasions which
might provoke or encourage sin as well
as knowing how to overcome one's own
natural instinctive impulses.
19. When the family is providing
real educational support and encouraging
the exercise of all the virtues, education
for chastity is made easy and lacks
inner conflicts, even if at certain
times young people can experience particularly
delicate situations.
For some who find themselves in situations
where chastity is offended against and
not valued, living in a chaste way can
demand a hard or even a heroic struggle.
Nonetheless, with the grace of Christ,
flowing from his spousal love for the
Church, everyone can live chastely even
if they find themselves in unfavourable
circumstances.
The very fact that all are called to
holiness, as the Second Vatican Council
teaches, makes it easier to understand
that everyone can be in situations where
heroic acts of virtue are indispensable,
whether in celibate life or marriage,
and that in fact in one way or another
this happens to everyone for shorter
or longer periods of time. Cf. John
Paul II, Address to the Participants
at the Study Seminar on "Responsible
Parenthood", organized by the University
of the Sacred Heart and the John Paul
II Institute, September 17, 1983; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, October 10,
1983, pp. 7 and 16. Therefore married
life also entails a joyous and demanding
path to holiness.
Chastity in Marriage
20. "Married people are
called to live conjugal chastity; others
practise chastity in continence."
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2349.
Parents are well aware that living conjugal
chastity themselves is the most valid
premise for educating their children
in chaste love and in holiness of life.
This means that parents should be aware
that God's love is present in their
love, and hence that their sexual giving
should also be lived out in respect
for God and for his plan of love, with
fidelity, honour and generosity towards
one's spouse and towards the life which
can arise from their act of love. Only
in this way can their love be an expression
of charity. See below n. 54. Therefore,
in marriage Christians are called to
live this self-giving in a right personal
relationship with God. This relationship
is thus an expression of their faith
and love for God with the fidelity and
generous fruitfulness which distinguishes
divine love. Cf. Paul VI, Encyclical
Letter, Humanae Vitae, July 25, 1968,
8 and 9; AAS 60 (1968), pp. 485-486.
Only in this way do they respond to
the love of God and fulfil his will,
which the Commandments help us to know.
There is no legitimate love, at its
highest level, which is not also love
for God. To love the Lord implies responding
positively to his commandments: "If
you love me, you will keep my commandments"
(John 14:15). Not to do so is always
self-delusion, as Saint John of Avila
observes: some people are so clouded
in their minds that "they believe
that if their heart moves them to do
anything, they must do it, even if it
is against the commandments of God.
They say that they love Him so much
that if they break his commandments
they do not lose his love. In this way
they forget that the Son of God preached
the contrary from his own lips: whoever
welcomes my commandments and observes
them, this man loves me (John 14:21);
if anyone loves me he will keep my commandments
(John 14:23). And anyone who does not
love me does not keep my words. Thus
he makes us understand clearly that
whoever does not keep his words has
neither his friendship nor his love.
As Saint Augustine says: 'no-one can
love the king if he abhors his commandments'."
Audi filia, c. 50. 21.
In order to live chastely, man and
woman need the continuous illumination
of the Holy Spirit. "At the centre
of the spirituality of marriage...lies
chastity, not only as a moral virtue
(formed by love), but likewise as a
virtue connected with the gifts of the
Holy Spirit—above all the gift
of respect for what comes from God (donum
pietatis)...So therefore, the interior
order of married life, which enables
the 'manifestations of affection' to
develop according to their right proportion
and meaning, is a fruit not only of
the virtue which the couple practise,
but also of the gifts of the Holy Spirit
with which they cooperate." John
Paul II, General Audience, November
14, 1984, 2; L'Osservatore Romano, English
Edition, November 19, 1984, p. 1.
On the other hand, convinced that their
own chaste life and the daily effort
of bearing witness are the premise and
condition for their educational task,
parents should also consider any attack
on the virtue and chastity of their
children as an offence against the life
of faith itself that threatens and impoverishes
their own communion of life and grace
(cf. Ephesians 6: 12).
Education for Chastity
22. Educating children for chastity
strives to achieve three objectives:
(a) to maintain in the family a positive
atmosphere of love, virtue and respect
for the gifts of God, in particular
the gift of life; Cf. Evangelium Vitae,
97. (a) to help children to understand
the value of sexuality and chastity
in stages, sustaining their growth through
enlightening word, example and prayer;
(c) to help them understand and discover
their own vocation to marriage or to
consecrated virginity for the sake of
the Kingdom of Heaven in harmony with
and respecting their attitudes and inclinations
and the gifts of the Spirit.
23. Other educators can assist
in this task, but they can only take
the place of parents for serious reasons
of physical or moral incapacity. On
this point the Magisterium of the Church
has expressed itself clearly, Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 36—37. in relation to
the whole educative process of children:
"The role of parents in education
is of such importance that it is almost
impossible to find an adequate substitute.
It is therefore the duty of parents
to create a family atmosphere inspired
by love and devotion to God and their
fellow-men which will promote an integrated,
personal and social education of their
children. The family is therefore the
principal school of the social virtues
which are necessary to every society."
Vatican Council II, Declaration on Christian
Education, Gravissimum Educationis,
3. In fact education is the parents'
domain insofar as their educational
task continues the generation of life;
moreover it is an offering of their
humanity Letter to Families, Gratissimam
sane, 16. to their children to which
they are solemnly bound in the very
moment of celebrating their marriage.
"Parents are the first and most
important educators of their children,
and they also possess a fundamental
competency in this area: they are educators
because they are parents. They share
their individual mission with other
individuals or institutions, such as
the Church and the State. But the mission
of education must always be carried
out in accordance with a proper application
of the principle of subsidiarity. This
implies the legitimacy and indeed the
need of giving assistance to the parents,
but finds its intrinsic and absolute
limit in their prevailing right and
their actual capabilities. The principle
of subsidiarity is thus at the service
of parental love, meeting the good of
the family unit. For parents by themselves
are not capable of satisfying every
requirement of the whole process of
raising children, especially in matters
concerning their schooling and the entire
gamut of socialization. Subsidiarity
thus complements paternal and maternal
love and confirms its fundamental nature,
inasmuch as all other participants in
the process of education are only able
to carry out their responsibilities
in the name of the parents, with their
consent and, to a certain degree, with
their authorization." Ibid., 16.
24. In particular, the project
of education in sexuality and true love,
open to self- giving, is confronted
today by a culture guided by positivism,
as the Holy Father notes in the Letter
to Families: "..the development
of contemporary civilization is linked
to a scientific and technological progress
which is often achieved in a one-sided
way, and thus appears purely positivistic.
Positivism, as we know, results in agnosticism
in theory and utilitarianism in practice
and in ethics... Utilitarianism is a
civilization of production and of use,
a civilization of things and not of
persons, a civilization in which persons
are used in the same way as things are
used... To be convinced that this is
the case, one need only to look at certain
sexual education programmes introduced
into the schools, often notwithstanding
the disagreement and even the protests
of many parents..." Ibid., 13.
In this context, based on the teaching
of the Church and with her support,
parents must reclaim their own task.
By associating together, wherever this
is necessary or useful, they should
put into action an educational project
marked by the true values of the person
and Christian love and taking a clear
position that surpasses ethical utilitarianism.
For education to correspond to the objective
needs of true love, parents should provide
this education within their own autonomous
responsibility.
25. Moreover, in relation to
preparation for marriage the teaching
of the Church states that the family
must remain the main protagonist in
this educational work. Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 66.
Certainly "the changes that have
taken place within almost all modern
societies demand that not only the family
but also society and the Church should
be involved in the effort of properly
preparing young people for their future
responsibilities." Ibid., loc.
cit.. It is precisely with this end
in view that the educational task of
the family takes on greater importance
from the earliest years: "Remote
preparation begins in early childhood
in that wise family training which leads
children to discover themselves as being
endowed with a rich and complex psychology
and with a particular personality with
its own strengths and weaknesses."
Ibid., loc. cit..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
III—In The Light Of Vocation
26. The family carries out a
decisive role in cultivating and developing
all vocations, as the Second Vatican
Council taught: "From the marriage
of Christians there comes the family
in which new citizens of human society
are born and, by the grace of the Holy
Spirit in Baptism, those are made children
of God so that the People of God may
be perpetuated throughout the centuries.
In what might be regarded as the domestic
church, the parents by word and example,
are the first heralds of the faith with
regard to their children. They must
foster the vocation which is proper
to each child, and this with special
care if it be to religion." Lumen
Gentium, 11. Yet the very fact that
vocations flourish is the sign of adequate
pastoral care of the family: "where
there is an effective and enlightened
family apostolate, just as it becomes
normal to accept life as a gift from
God, so it is easier for God's voice
to resound and to find a more generous
hearing." John Paul II, Address
to the Sixteenth General Assembly of
the Italian Episcopal Conference, May
15, 1979, 4; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, June 11, 1979, p. 14.
Here we are dealing with vocations
to marriage or to virginity or celibacy,
but these are always vocations to holiness.
Indeed, the document Lumen Gentium presents
the Second Vatican Council's teaching
on the universal call to holiness: "Strengthened
by so many and such great means of salvation,
all the faithful, whatever their condition
or state—though each in his own
way—are called by the Lord to that
perfection of sanctity by which the
Father himself is perfect." Lumen
Gentium, 11.
1. The Vocation to Marriage
27.Formation for true love is always
the best preparation for the vocation
to marriage. In the family, children
and young people can learn to live human
sexuality within the solid context of
Christian life. They can gradually discover
that a stable Christian marriage cannot
be regarded as a matter of convenience
or mere sexual attraction. By the fact
that it is a vocation, marriage must
involve a carefully considered choice,
a mutual commitment before God and the
constant seeking of his help in prayer.
Called to Married Love
28. Committed to the task of
educating their children for love, Christian
parents first of all can take awareness
of their married love as a reference
point. As the Encyclical Humanae Vitae
states, such love "reveals its
true nature and nobility when it is
considered in its supreme origin, God,
who is love (cf. 1 John 4: 8), 'the
Father from whom every family in heaven
and on earth is named' (Ephesians 3:
15). Marriage is not, then, the effect
of chance or the product of evolution
of unconscious natural forces; it is
the wise institution of the Creator
to realize in mankind his design of
love. By means of the reciprocal personal
gift of self, proper and exclusive to
them, husband and wife tend towards
the communion of their beings in view
of mutual personal perfection, to collaborate
with God in the generation and education
of new lives. For baptized persons,
moreover, marriage invests the dignity
of a sacramental sign of grace, inasmuch
as it represents the union of Christ
and of the Church." Humanae Vitae,
8.
The Holy Father's Letter to Families
recalls that: "The family is in
fact a community of persons whose proper
way of existing and living together
is communion: communio personarum."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane,
7. Going back to the teaching of the
Second Vatican Council, the Holy Father
teaches that such a communion involves
"a certain similarity between the
union of the divine Persons and union
of God's children in truth and love."
Gaudium et Spes, 24. "This rich
and meaningful formulation first of
all confirms what is central to the
identity of every man and every woman.
This identity consists in the capacity
to live in truth and love; even more,
it consists in the need of truth and
love as an essential dimension of the
life of the person. Man's need for truth
and love opens him both to God and to
creatures: it opens him to other people,
to life in communion, and in particular
to marriage and to the family."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane,
8.
29. As the Encyclical Humanae
Vitae affirms, married love has four
characteristics: it is human love (physical
and spiritual), it is total, faithful
and fruitful love. Cf. Humanae Vitae,
9.
These characteristics are founded on
the fact that "In marriage man
and woman are so firmly united as to
become, to use the words of the Book
of Genesis—one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
Male and female in their physical constitution,
the two human subjects, even though
physically different, share equally
in the capacity to live in truth and
love. This capacity, characteristic
of the human being as a person, has
at the same time both a spiritual and
a bodily dimension......The family which
results from this union draws its inner
solidity from the covenant between the
spouses, which Christ raised to a Sacrament.
The family draws its proper character
as a community, its traits of communion,
from that fundamental communion of the
spouses which is prolonged in their
children. Will you accept children lovingly
from God, and bring them up according
to the law of Christ and his Church?,
the celebrant asks during the Rite of
Marriage. The answer given by the spouses
reflects the most profound truth of
the love which unites them." Letter
to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 8. With
the same formula, spouses commit themselves
and promise to be "faithful forever"
Rituale Romanum, Ordo celebrandi matrimonium,
60. because their fidelity really flows
from this communion of persons which
is rooted in the plan of the Creator,
in Trinitarian Love and in the Sacrament
which expresses the faithful union between
Christ and the Church.
30. Christian marriage is a
sacrament whereby sexuality is integrated
into a path to holiness, through a bond
reinforced by the indissoluble unity
of the sacrament: "The gift of
the sacrament is at the same time a
vocation and commandment for the Christian
spouses, that they may remain faithful
to each other forever, beyond every
trial and difficulty, in generous obedience
to the holy will of the Lord: 'What
therefore God has joined together, let
not man put asunder'." Familiaris
Consortio, 20, citing Matthew 19:6.
Parents Face a Current Concern
31. Unfortunately, even in Christian
societies today, parents have reason
to be concerned about the stability
of their children's future marriages.
Nevertheless, in spite of the rising
number of divorces and the growing crisis
of the family, they should respond with
optimism, committing themselves to give
their children a deep Christian formation
to make them able to overcome various
difficulties. Actually, the love for
chastity, which parents help to form,
favours mutual respect between man and
woman and provides a capacity for compassion,
tolerance, generosity, and above all,
a spirit of sacrifice, without which
love cannot endure. Children will thus
come to marriage with that realistic
wisdom about which Saint Paul speaks
when he teaches that husband and wife
must continually give way to one another
in love, cherishing one another with
mutual patience and affection (cf. 1
Corinthians 7: 3-6; Ephesians 5: 21-23).
32. Through this remote formation
for chastity in the family, adolescents
and young people learn to live sexuality
in its personal dimension, rejecting
any kind of separation of sexuality
from love—understood as self-giving—and
any separation of the love between husband
and wife from the family.
Parental respect for life and the mystery
of procreation will spare the child
or young person from the false idea
that the two dimensions of the conjugal
act, unitive and procreative, can be
separated at will. Thus the family comes
to be recognized as an inseparable part
of the vocation to marriage.
A Christian education for chastity
within the family cannot remain silent
about the moral gravity involved in
separating the unitive dimension from
the procreative dimension within married
life. This happens above all in contraception
and artificial procreation. In the first
case, one intends to seek sexual pleasure,
intervening in the conjugal act to avoid
conception; in the second case conception
is sought by substituting the conjugal
act with a technique. These are actions
contrary to the truth of married love
and contrary to full communion between
husband and wife.
Forming young people for chastity should
thus become a preparation for responsible
fatherhood and motherhood, which "directly
concern the moment in which a man and
a woman, uniting themselves in one flesh,
can become parents. This is a moment
of special value both for their interpersonal
relationship and for their service to
life: they can become parents—father
and mother—by communicating life
to a new human being. The two dimensions
of conjugal union, the unitive and the
procreative, cannot be artificially
separated without damaging the deepest
truth of the conjugal act itself."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane,
12; cf. Humanae Vitae, 12; Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2366.
It is also necessary to put before
young people the consequences, which
are always very serious, of separating
sexuality from procreation when someone
reaches the stage of practising sterilization
and abortion or pursuing sexual activity
dissociated from married love, before
and outside of marriage.
Much of the moral order and marital
harmony of the family, hence also the
true good of society, depends on this
timely education, which finds its place
in God's plan, in the very structure
of sexuality and the intimate nature
of marriage.
33.Parents who carry out their own
right and duty to form their children
for chastity can be certain that they
are helping them in turn to build stable
and united families, thus anticipating,
insofar as this is possible, the joys
of paradise: "How can I ever express
the happiness of the marriage that is
joined together by the Church, strengthened
by an offering, sealed by a blessing,
announced by angels and ratified by
the Father....They are both brethren
and both fellow servants; there is no
separation between them in spirit or
flesh....Christ rejoices in them and
he sends them his peace; where the couple
is, there he is also to be found, and
where he is, evil can no longer abide."
Cf. Tertullian, Ad uxorem, II, VIII,
6-8: CCL 1, 393-394; cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 13.
2. The Vocation to Virginity and
Celibacy
34. Christian revelation presents
the two vocations to love: marriage
and virginity. In some societies today,
not only marriage and the family, but
also vocations to the priesthood and
the religious life, are often in a state
of crisis. The two situations are inseparable:
"When marriage is not esteemed,
neither can consecrated virginity or
celibacy exist; when human sexuality
is not regarded as a great value given
by the Creator, the renunciation of
it for the sake of the kingdom of heaven
loses its meaning." Familiaris
Consortio, 16. A lack of vocations follows
from the breakdown of the family, yet
where parents are generous in welcoming
life, children will be more likely to
be generous when it comes to the question
of offering themselves to God: "Families
must once again express a generous love
for life and place themselves at its
service above all by accepting the children
which the Lord wants to give them with
a sense of responsibility not detached
from peaceful trust", and they
may bring this acceptance to fulfilment
not only "through a continuing
educational effort but also through
an obligatory commitment, at times perhaps
neglected, to help teenagers especially
and young people to accept the vocational
dimension of every living being, within
God's plan....Human life acquires fullness
when it becomes a self-gift: a gift
which can express itself in matrimony,
in consecrated virginity, in self-dedication
to one's neighbour towards an ideal,
or in the choice of priestly ministry.
Parents will truly serve the life of
their children if they help them make
their own lives a gift, respecting their
mature choices and fostering joyfully
each vocation, including the religious
and priestly one." John Paul II,
Address to Participants in a Family
Ministry Convention sponsored by the
Italian Episcopal Conference, April
28, 1990, 3 and 4; L'Osservatore Romano,
English edition, May 7, 1990, p. 2.
When he deals with sexual education
in Familiaris Consortio, this is why
Pope John Paul II affirms: "Indeed
Christian parents, discerning the signs
of God's call, will devote special attention
and care to education in virginity or
celibacy as the supreme form of that
self-giving that constitutes the very
meaning of human sexuality." Familiaris
Consortio, 37.
Parents and Priestly and Religious
Vocations
35. Parents should therefore
rejoice if they see in any of their
children the signs of God's call to
the higher vocation of virginity or
celibacy for the love of the Kingdom
of Heaven. They should accordingly adapt
formation for chaste love to the needs
of those children, encouraging them
on their own path up to the time of
entering the seminary or house of formation,
or until this specific call to self-giving
with an undivided heart matures. They
must respect and appreciate the freedom
of each of their children, encouraging
their personal vocation and without
trying to impose a pre-determined vocation
on them.
The Second Vatican Council clearly
set out this distinct and honourable
task of parents, who are supported in
their work by teachers and priests:
"Parents should nurture and protect
religious vocations in their children
by educating them in Christian virtues."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Renewal
of the Religious Life, Perfectae Caritatis,
24. "The duty of fostering vocations
falls on the whole Christian community....The
greatest contribution is made by families
which are animated by a spirit of faith,
charity and piety and which provide,
as it were, a first seminary, and by
parishes in whose abundant life the
young people themselves take an active
part." Vatican Council II, Decree
on the Training of Priests, Optatum
Totius, 2. "Parents, teachers and
all who are in any way concerned in
the education of boys and young men
ought to train them in such a way that
they will know the solicitude of the
Lord for his flock and be alive to the
needs of the Church. In this way they
will be prepared when the Lord calls
to answer generously with the prophet:
'Here am I! send me' (Isaiah 6:8)."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Ministry
and Life of Priests, Presbyterorum Ordinis,
11.
This necessary family context for maturing
religious and priestly vocations brings
to mind the serious situation of many
families, especially in certain countries,
families with an impoverished life because
they have chosen to deprive themselves
of children or where they have only
one child, a situation in which it is
very difficult for vocations to arise
and even difficult to develop a full
social education.
36. The truly Christian family
will also be able to communicate an
understanding of the value of celibacy
to unmarried children or those who are
incapable of marriage for reasons apart
from their own will. If they are formed
well from childhood and during their
youth, they will be equipped to face
their own situation more easily. Likewise,
they will be able to discover the will
of God in such a situation and so find
a sense of vocation and peace in their
own lives. Cf. Familiaris Consortio,
16. These persons, especially if they
have some kind of physical disability,
need to be shown the great possibilities
for self-realization and spiritual fruitfulness
which are open to those who make a commitment
to help their poorest and most needy
brothers and sisters, sustained by faith
and the love of God.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IV—Father And Mother As Educators
37. In granting married persons
the privilege and great responsibility
of becoming parents, God gives them
the grace to carry out their mission
adequately. Moreover, in the task of
educating their children, parents are
enlightened by "two fundamental
truths...: first, that man is called
to live in truth and love; and second,
that everyone finds fulfillment through
the sincere gift of self". Letter
to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 16. As
spouses, parents and ministers of the
sacramental grace of marriage, they
are sustained from day to day by special
spiritual energies, received from Jesus
Christ who loves and nurtures his Bride,
the Church.
As husband and wife who have become
"one flesh" through the bond
of marriage, they share the duty to
educate their children through willing
collaboration nourished by vigorous
mutual dialogue that "has a new
specific source in the sacrament of
marriage, which consecrates them for
the strictly Christian education of
their children: that is to say, it calls
upon them to share in the very authority
and love of God the Father and Christ
the shepherd, and in the motherly love
of the Church, and it enriches them
with wisdom, counsel, fortitude and
all the other gifts of the Holy Spirit
in order to help the children in their
growth as human beings and as Christians".
Familiaris Consortio, 38.
38. In the context of formation
in chastity, "fatherhood-motherhood"
also includes one parent who is left
alone and adoptive parents. The task
of a single parent is certainly not
easy because the support of the other
spouse and the role and example of a
parent of the other sex is lacking.
But God sustains single parents with
a special love and calls them to take
on this task with the same generosity
and sensitivity with which they love
and care for their children in other
areas of family life.
39. Some other persons are called
upon in certain cases to take the place
of parents: those who take on the parental
role in a permanent way, for instance,
for orphans or abandoned children. They,
too, have the task of educating children
and young people in an overall sense,
as well as in chastity, and they will
receive the grace of their state of
life to do this according to the same
principles that guide Christian parents.
40. Parents must never feel
alone in this task. The Church supports
and encourages them, confident that
they can carry out this function better
than anyone else. She also encourages
those men or women who, often with great
sacrifice, give children without parents
a form of parental love and family life.
In any case, all of them must approach
this duty in a spirit of prayer, open
and obedient to the moral truths of
faith and reason that integrate the
teaching of the Church, and always seeing
children and young people as persons,
children of God and heirs to the Kingdom
of Heaven.
The Rights and Duties of Parents
41. Before going into the practical
details of young people's formation
in chastity, it is extremely important
for parents to be aware of their rights
and duties, particularly in the face
of a State or a school that tends to
take up the initiative in the area of
sex education.
The Holy Father John Paul II reaffirms
this in Familiaris Consortio: "The
right and duty of parents to give education
is essential, since it is connected
with the transmission of human life;
it is original and primary with regard
to the educational role of others, on
account of the uniqueness of the loving
relationship between parents and children;
and it is irreplaceable and inalienable,
and therefore incapable of being entirely
delegated to others or usurped by others",
Familiaris Consortio, 36. except in
the case, as mentioned at the beginning,
of physical or psychological impossibility.
42. This doctrine is based on
the teaching of the Second Vatican Council,
Cf. Gravissimum Educationis, 3. and
is also proclaimed by the Charter of
the Rights of the Family: "Since
they have conferred life on their children,
parents have the original, primary and
inalienable right to educate them; hence
they ...have the right to educate their
children in conformity with their moral
and religious convictions, taking into
account the cultural traditions of the
family which favour the good and the
dignity of the child; they should also
receive from society the necessary aid
and assistance to perform their educational
role properly." Charter of the
Rights of the Family, presented by the
Holy See, October 22, 1983, Article
5.
43. The Pope insists upon the
fact that this holds especially with
regard to sexuality: "Sex education,
which is a basic right and duty of parents,
must always be carried out under their
attentive guidance, whether at home
or in educational centres chosen and
controlled by them. In this regard,
the Church reaffirms the law of subsidiarity,
which the school is bound to observe
when it cooperates in sex education,
by entering into the same spirit that
animates the parents". Familiaris
Consortio, 37; see Charter of the Rights
of the Family, Article 5, c.
The Holy Father adds, "In view
of the close links between the sexual
dimension of the person and his or her
ethical values, education must bring
the children to a knowledge of and respect
for the moral norms as the necessary
and highly valuable guarantee for responsible
personal growth in human sexuality".
Familiaris Consortio, 37. No one is
capable of giving moral education in
this delicate area better than duly
prepared parents.
The Meaning of the Parents' Duty
44. This right also implies
an educational duty. If in fact parents
do not give adequate formation in chastity,
they are failing in their precise duty.
Likewise, they would also be guilty
were they to tolerate immoral or inadequate
formation being given to their children
outside the home.
45. Today this task encounters
a particular difficulty with regard
to the dissemination of pornography,
through the means of social communication,
instigated by commercial motives and
breaking down adolescent sensitivity.
This must call for two forms of concerned
action on the part of parents: preventive
and critical education with regard to
their children, and courageous denunciation
to the appropriate authorities. Parents,
as individuals or in associations, have
the right and duty to promote the good
of their children and demand from the
authorities laws that prevent and eliminate
the exploitation of the sensitivity
of children and adolescents. From the
viewpoint of children's education, another
delicate and complex problem, which
cannot be taken up sufficiently in this
document, is that of the transmission
of AIDS, sexually and through the use
of drugs. The local Churches are involved
in many activities to help and support
persons with AIDS and for its prevention.
Particularly with regard to preventing
AIDS, the value of a well-ordered sexuality
must be promoted, based on the family.
Moreover, it is necessary to correct
the opinion put about by information
campaigns based on so-called "safe
sex" and spreading protective means
(condoms). This position, in itself
contrary to morality, also turns out
to be fallacious and ends up increasing
promiscuity and free sexual activity
through a false idea of safety. Objective
and scientifically rigorous studies
have shown the high percentage of the
failure of these means.
46. The Holy Father stresses
this parental task and outlines guidelines
and the objective in this regard: "Faced
with a culture that largely reduces
human sexuality to the level of something
commonplace, since it interprets and
lives it in a reductive and impoverished
way by linking it solely with the body
and with selfish pleasure, the educational
service of parents must aim firmly at
a training in the area of sex that is
truly and fully personal: for sexuality
is an enrichment of the whole person—body,
emotions and soul—and it manifests
its inmost meaning in leading the person
to the gift of self in love". Familiaris
Consortio, 37.
47. We cannot forget, however,
that we are dealing with a right and
duty to educate which, in the past,
Christian parents carried out or exercised
little. Perhaps this was because the
problem was not as acute as it is today,
or because the parents' task was in
part fulfilled by the strength of prevailing
social models and the role played by
the Church and the Catholic school in
this area. It is not easy for parents
to take on this educational commitment
because today it appears to be rather
complex, and greater than what the family
could offer, also because, in most cases,
it is not possible to refer to what
one's own parents did in this regard.
Therefore, through this document, the
Church holds that it is her duty to
give parents back confidence in their
own capabilities and help them to carry
out their task.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
V—Paths Of Formation Within
The Family
48. The family environment is
thus the normal and usual place for
forming children and young people to
consolidate and exercise the virtues
of charity, temperance, fortitude and
chastity. As the domestic church, the
family is the school of the richest
humanity. Cf. Gaudium et Spes, 52. This
is particularly true for the moral and
spiritual education on such a delicate
matter as chastity. Physical, psychological
and spiritual aspects are involved in
chastity, as well as the first signs
of freedom, the influence of social
models, natural modesty and strong tendencies
inherent in a human being's bodily nature.
All of these aspects are connected to
an awareness, albeit implicit, of the
dignity of the human person, called
to collaborate with God and, at the
same time, marked by fragility. In a
Christian home, parents have the strength
to lead their children to a real Christian
maturation of their personalities, according
to the measure of Christ, in his Mystical
Body, the Church. Cf. Familiaris Consortio,
39, 51-54.
While the family is rich in these strengths,
it also needs the support of the State
and society, according to the principle
of subsidiarity: "It can happen...that
when a family does decide to live up
fully to its vocation, it finds itself
without the necessary support from the
State and without sufficient resources.
It is urgent therefore to promote not
only family policies, but also those
social policies which have the family
as their principle object, policies
which assist the family by providing
adequate resources and efficient means
of support, both for bringing up children
and for looking after the elderly..."
John Paul II, Encyclical Letter Centesimus
Annus, May 1, 1991, 49; AAS 83 (1991),
p. 855.
49. Aware of this and of the
real difficulties that exist for young
people in many countries today, especially
when social and moral deterioration
is present, parents are urged to dare
to ask for more and to propose more.
They cannot be satisfied with avoiding
the worst—that their children do
not take drugs or commit crimes. They
will have to be committed to educating
them in the true values of the person,
renewed by the virtues of faith, hope
and love: the values of freedom, responsibility,
fatherhood and motherhood, service,
professional work, solidarity, honesty,
art, sport, the joy of knowing they
are children of God, hence brothers
and sisters of all human beings, etc.
The Essential Value of the Home
50. In their most recent findings,
the psychological and pedagogical sciences
come together with human experience
in emphasizing the decisive importance
of the affective atmosphere that reigns
in the family for a harmonious and valid
sexual education, especially during
the first years of infancy and childhood,
and perhaps also during the prenatal
stage, because children's deep emotional
patterns are established in these phases.
The importance of the couple's balance,
acceptance and understanding is stressed.
Furthermore, emphasis is placed on the
value of a serene relationship between
husband and wife, on the value of their
positive presence (both father and mother)
during these important years for the
processes of identification, and on
the value of a relationship of reassuring
affection toward their children.
51. Certain serious privations
or imbalances between parents (for example,
one or both parents' absence from family
life, a lack of interest in the children's
education or excessive severity) are
factors that can cause emotional and
affective disturbances in children.
These factors can seriously upset their
adolescence and sometimes mark them
for life. Parents must find time to
be with their children and take time
to talk with them. As a gift and a commitment,
children are their most important task,
although seemingly not always a very
profitable one. Children are more important
than work, entertainment and social
position. In these conversations—more
and more as the years pass—parents
should learn how to listen carefully
to their children, how to make the effort
to understand them and how to recognize
the fragment of truth that may be present
in some forms of rebellion. At the same
time, parents will have to be able to
help their children to channel their
anxieties and aspirations correctly,
and teach them to reflect on the reality
of things and how to reason. This does
not mean imposing a certain line of
behaviour, but rather showing both the
supernatural and human motives that
recommend such behaviour. Parents will
succeed better if they are able to dedicate
time to their children and really place
themselves at their level with love.
Formation in the Community of Life
and Love
52. The Christian family is
capable of offering an atmosphere permeated
with that love for God that makes an
authentic reciprocal gift possible.
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 18, 63-64.
Children who have this experience are
better disposed to live according to
those moral truths that they see practiced
in their parents' life. They will have
confidence in them and will learn about
the love that overcomes fears—and
nothing moves us to love more than knowing
that we are loved. In this way, the
bond of mutual love, to which parents
bear witness before their children,
will safeguard their affective serenity.
This bond will refine the intellect,
the will and the emotions by rejecting
everything that could degrade or devalue
the gift of human sexuality. In a family
where love reigns, this gift is always
understood as part of the call to self-giving
in love for God and for others. "The
family is the first and fundamental
school of social living: as a community
of love, it finds in self-giving the
law that guides it and makes it grow.
The self-giving that inspires the love
of husband and wife for each other is
the model and norm for the self-giving
that must be practised in the relationships
between brothers and sisters and the
different generations living together
in the family. And the communion and
sharing that are part of everyday life
in the home at times of joy and at times
of difficulty are the most concrete
and effective pedagogy for the active,
responsible and fruitful inclusion of
the children in the wider horizon of
society." Familiaris Consortio,
37.
53. Basically, education for
authentic love, authentic only if it
becomes kind, well-disposed love, involves
accepting the person who is loved and
considering his or her good as one's
own; hence this implies educating in
right relationships with others. Children,
adolescents and young people should
be taught how to enter into healthy
relationships with God, with their parents,
their brothers and sisters, with their
companions of the same or the opposite
sex, and with adults.
54. It must also not be forgotten
that education in love is an overall
reality. There will be no progress in
setting up proper relationships with
one person if at the same time there
are no proper relationships with other
people. As we have already mentioned,
education in chastity, as education
in love, is at the same time education
of one's spirit, one's sensitivity,
and one's feelings. The attitude toward
other persons depends largely on the
way spontaneous feelings toward them
are handled, the way some feelings are
cultivated and others are controlled.
Chastity as a virtue is never reduced
to merely being able to perform acts
conformed to a norm of external behaviour.
Chastity requires activating and developing
the dynamisms of nature and grace which
make up the principal and immanent element
of our discovery of God's law as a guarantee
of growth and freedom. Cf. St. Thomas
Aquinas, Summa Theologiae, I-II, q.
106, a. 1.
55. Therefore, it must be stressed
that education for chastity is inseparable
from efforts to cultivate all the other
virtues and, in a particular way, Christian
love, characterized by respect, altruism
and service, which after all is called
charity. Sexuality is such an important
good that it must be protected by following
the order of reason enlightened by faith:
"The greater a good, the more the
order of reason must be observed in
it". Ibid., II-II, q. 153, a. 3.
From this it follows that in order to
educate in chastity, "self-control
is necessary, which presupposes such
virtues as modesty, temperance, respect
for self and for others, openness to
one's neighbour". Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 35.
Also of importance are what Christian
tradition has called the younger sisters
of chastity (modesty, an attitude of
sacrifice with regard to one's whims),
nourished by the faith and a life of
prayer.
Decency and Modesty
56.The practice of decency and
modesty in speech, action and dress
is very important for creating an atmosphere
suitable for the growth of chastity,
but this must be well motivated by respect
for one's own body and the dignity of
others. Parents, as we have said, should
be watchful so that certain immoral
fashions and attitudes do not violate
the integrity of the home, especially
through misuse of the mass media. Cf.
Familiaris Consortio, 76; cf. also Educational
Guidance in Human Love, 68; cf. Pontifical
Council for Social Communications, Pornography
and Violence in the Communications Media:
a Pastoral Response, May 7, 1989; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, June 5, 1989,
pp. 10-11. In this regard, the Holy
Father stressed the need "to promote
closer collaboration between parents,
who have primary responsibility for
education, those in charge of the mass
media at various levels and the public
authorities, so that families are not
left without guidance in such an important
sector of their educational mission....In
fact the presentations, content and
programmes of healthy entertainment,
information and education to complement
that of the family and the school must
be recognized. Unfortunately this does
not change the fact that in some countries
especially there are many shows and
publications abounding in all sorts
of violence with a kind of bombardment
of messages that undermine moral principles
and make it impossible to achieve a
serious climate in which values worthy
of the human person may be transmitted".
John Paul II, Address to the participants
in a meeting organized by the Pontifical
Council for the Family and the Pontifical
Council for Social Communications on
"The Rights of the Family and the
Means of Social Communication",
June 4, 1993, 3 and 4; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, July 14, 1993,
p. 10.
In particular, with regard to use of
television, the Holy Father specified:
"The life-style—especially
in the more industrialised nations—all
too often causes families to abandon
their responsibility to educate their
children. Evasion of this duty is made
easy by the presence of television and
of printed materials in the home. These
occupy the time for children and young
people. No one can deny the justification
for this when the means are lacking,
to develop and use to advantage the
free time of the young and to direct
their energies". John Paul II,
Message for the Fifteenth Communications
Day, May 10, 1981, 5; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, May 25, 1981,
p. 7. Another circumstance that facilitates
this is the fact that both parents are
busy with their work, in and outside
the home. "The result is that these
young people are in most need of help
in developing their responsible freedom.
There is the duty—especially for
believers, for men and women who love
freedom, to protect the young from the
aggressions they are subjected to by
the media. May no one shirk from this
duty by using the excuse that he or
she is not involved." Ibid.. "Parents
as recipients must actively ensure the
moderate, critical, watchful and prudent
use of the media". Familiaris Consortio,
76.
Legitimate Privacy
57. Respect for privacy must
be considered in close connection with
decency and modesty, which spontaneously
defend a person who refuses to be considered
and treated like an object of pleasure
instead of being respected and loved
for himself or herself. If children
or young people see that their legitimate
privacy is respected, then they will
know that they are expected to show
the same attitude towards others. This
is how they learn to cultivate the proper
sense of responsibility before God by
developing their interior life and a
taste for personal freedom, that makes
them capable of loving God and others
better.
Self-Control
58. All of this reminds us more generally
of self-control, a necessary condition
for being capable of self-giving. Children
and young people should be encouraged
to have esteem for, and to practise
self-control and restraint, to live
in an orderly way, to make personal
sacrifices in a spirit of love for God,
self-respect, and generosity towards
others, without stifling feelings and
tendencies, but channeling them into
a virtuous life.
Parents as Models for Their Children
59.The good example and leadership
of parents is essential in strengthening
the formation of young people in chastity.
A mother who values her maternal vocation
and her place in the home greatly helps
develop the qualities of femininity
and motherhood in her daughters, and
sets a clear, strong and noble example
of womanhood for her sons. Cf. Mulieris
Dignitatem, 18-19. A father, whose behaviour
is inspired by masculine dignity without
"machismo", will be an attractive
model for his sons, and inspire respect,
admiration and security in his daughters.
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 25.
60. This is also true for education
in a spirit of sacrifice in families,
subject more than ever today to the
pressures of materialism and consumerism.
Only in this way will children grow
up "with a correct attitude of
freedom with regard to material goods,
by adopting a simple and austere life
style and being fully convinced that
'man is more precious for what he is
than for what he has'. In a society
shaken and split by tensions and conflicts
caused by the violent clash of various
kinds of individualism and selfishness,
children must be enriched not only with
a sense of true justice, which alone
leads to respect for the personal dignity
of each individual, but also and more
powerfully by a sense of true love,
understood as sincere solicitude and
disinterested service with regard to
others, especially the poorest and those
in most need". Ibid., 37; cf. also
47-48. "This education is fully
a part of the 'civilization of love'.
It depends on the civilization of love
and, in great measure, contributes to
its up-building". Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 16.
A Sanctuary of Life and Faith
61. No one can deny that the
first example and the greatest help
that parents can give their children
is their generosity in accepting life,
without forgetting that this is how
parents help their children to have
a simpler lifestyle. Moreover, "...it
is certainly less serious to deny their
children certain comforts or material
advantages than to deprive them of the
presence of brothers and sisters, who
could help them to grow in humanity
and to realize the beauty of life at
all its ages and in all its variety."
John Paul II, Homily at Capitol Mall,
Washington, D.C., U.S.A., October 7,
1979, 5 ; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, November 5, 1979, p. 7.
62. Lastly, we recall that in
order to achieve these objectives, the
family first of all should be a home
of faith and prayer, in which God the
Father's presence is sensed, the Word
of Jesus is accepted, the Spirit's bond
of love is felt, and where the most
pure Mother of God is loved and invoked.
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 59-61; Congregation
for the Doctrine of the Faith, Declaration
on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual
Ethics, Persona Humana, December 29,
1975, 11-12; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, January 22, 1976, p. 5. This
life of faith and "Family prayer
has for its very own object family life
itself, which in all its varying circumstances
is seen as a call from God and lived
as a filial response to his call. Joys
and sorrows, hopes and disappointments,
births and birthday celebrations, wedding
anniversaries of the parents, departures,
separations and home-comings, important
and far-reaching decisions, the death
of those who are dear, etc.—all
of these mark God's loving intervention
in the family's history. They should
be seen as suitable moments for thanksgiving,
for petition, for trusting abandonment
of the family into the hands of their
common Father in heaven". Familiaris
Consortio, 59.
63. In this atmosphere of prayer
and awareness of the presence and fatherhood
of God, the truths of faith and morals
should be taught, understood and deeply
studied with reverence, and the Word
of God should be read and lived with
love. In this way Christ's truth will
build up a family community based on
the example and guidance of parents
who "penetrate the innermost depths
of their children's hearts and leave
an impression that the future events
in their lives will not be able to efface".
Ibid., 60.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VI—Learning Stages
64. Parents in particular have
the duty to let their children know
about the mysteries of human life, because
the family "is, in fact, the best
environment to accomplish the obligation
of securing a gradual education in sexual
life. The family has an affective dignity
which is suited to making acceptable
without trauma the most delicate realities
and to integrating them harmoniously
in a balanced and rich personality".
Educational Guidance in Human Love,
48. As we have recalled, this primary
task of the family includes the parents'
right that their children should not
be obliged to attend courses in school
on this subject which are not in harmony
with their religious and moral convictions.
Cf. Charter of the Rights of the Family,
Article 5,c. The school's task is not
to substitute for the family, rather
it is "assisting and completing
the work of parents, furnishing children
and adolescents with an evaluation of
sexuality as value and task of the whole
person, created male and female in the
image of God". Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 69.
In this regard, we recall what the
Holy Father teaches in Familiaris consortio:
"The Church is firmly opposed to
an often widespread form of imparting
sex information dissociated from moral
principles. That would merely be an
introduction to the experience of pleasure
and a stimulus leading to the loss of
serenity—while still in the years
of innocence—by opening the way
to vice". Familiaris Consortio,
37.
Therefore, four general principles
will be proposed and afterwards the
various stages in a child's development
will be examined.
Four Principles Regarding Information
about Sexuality
65. Each child is a unique and
unrepeatable person and must receive
individualized formation. Since parents
know, understand and love each of their
children in their uniqueness, they are
in the best position to decide what
the appropriate time is for providing
a variety of information, according
to their children's physical and spiritual
growth. No one can take this capacity
for discernment away from conscientious
parents. Cf. Ibid., 37.
66. Each child's process of
maturation as a person is different.
Therefore, the most intimate aspects,
whether biological or emotional, should
be communicated in a personalized dialogue.
Cf. Educational Guidance in Human Love,
58. In their dialogue with each child,
with love and trust, parents communicate
something about their own self-giving
which makes them capable of giving witness
to aspects of the emotional dimension
of sexuality that could not be transmitted
in other ways.
67. Experience shows that this
dialogue works out better when the parent
who communicates the biological, emotional,
moral and spiritual information is of
the same sex as the child or young person.
Being aware of the role, emotions and
problems of their own sex, mothers have
a special bond with their daughters,
and fathers with their sons. This natural
bond should be respected. Therefore,
parents who are alone will have to act
with great sensitivity when speaking
with a child of the opposite sex, and
they may choose to entrust communicating
the most intimate details to a trustworthy
person of the same sex as the child.
Through this collaboration of a subsidiary
nature, parents can take advantage of
expert, well-formed educators in the
school or parish community, or from
Catholic associations.
68. The moral dimension must
always be part of their explanations.
Parents should stress that Christians
are called to live the gift of sexuality
according to the plan of God who is
Love, i.e., in the context of marriage
or of consecrated virginity and also
celibacy. Cf. Familiaris Consortio,
16. They must insist on the positive
value of chastity and its capacity to
generate true love for other persons.
This is the most radical and important
moral aspect of chastity. Only a person
who knows how to be chaste will know
how to love in marriage or in virginity.
69. From the earliest age, parents
may observe the beginning of instinctive
genital activity in their child. It
should not be considered repressive
to correct such habits gently that could
become sinful later, and, when necessary,
to teach modesty as the child grows.
It is always important to justify the
judgement of morally rejecting certain
attitudes contrary to the dignity of
the person and chastity on adequate,
valid and convincing grounds, both at
the level of reason and faith, hence
in a positive framework with a high
concept of personal dignity. Many parental
admonitions are merely reproofs or recommendations
which the children perceive more as
the result of fear of certain social
consequences, or related to one's public
reputation, rather than arising out
of a love that seeks their true good.
"I exhort you to correct, with
the greatest commitment, the vices and
passions that assail us in every age.
For if in some stage of our life we
sail on, deprecating the values of virtue
and thereby suffer continuous shipwreck,
we risk arriving in port devoid of all
spiritual charge". St. John Chrysostom,
Homiliae in Matthaeum, 81, 5: PG 58,
737.
70. Formation in chastity and
timely information regarding sexuality
must be provided in the broadest context
of education for love. It is not sufficient,
therefore, to provide information about
sex together with objective moral principles.
Constant help is also required for the
growth of children's spiritual life,
so that the biological development and
impulses they begin to experience will
always be accompanied by a growing love
of God, the Creator and Redeemer, and
an ever greater awareness of the dignity
of each human person and his or her
body. In the light of the mystery of
Christ and the Church, parents can illustrate
the positive values of human sexuality
in the context of the person's original
vocation to love and the universal call
to holiness.
71. Therefore, in talks with
children, suitable advice should always
be given regarding how to grow in the
love of God and one's neighbour, and
how to overcome any difficulties: "These
means are: discipline of the senses
and the mind, watchfulness and prudence
in avoiding occasions of sin, the observance
of modesty, moderation in recreation,
wholesome pursuits, assiduous prayer
and frequent reception of the Sacraments
of Penance and the Eucharist. Young
people especially should foster devotion
to the Immaculate Mother of God".
Persona Humana, 12.
72. To teach children how to
evaluate the environments they frequent
with a critical sense and true autonomy,
as well as to accustom them to detachment
in using the mass media, parents should
always present positive models and suitable
ways of using their vital energies,
the meaning of friendship and solidarity
in the overall area of society and of
the Church.
When deviant tendencies and attitudes
are present, which require great prudence
and caution so as to recognize and evaluate
situations properly, parents should
also have recourse to specialists with
solid scientific and moral formation
in order to identify the causes over
and above the symptoms, and help the
subjects to overcome difficulties in
a serious and clear way. Pedagogic action
should be directed more to the causes
rather than to directly repressing the
phenomenon, Cf. Ibid., 9; Educational
Guidance in Human Love, 99. and, if
necessary, they should seek the help
of qualified persons, such as doctors,
educational experts and psychologists
with an upright Christian sensitivity.
73. The objective of the parents'
educational task is to pass on to their
children the conviction that chastity
in one's state in life is possible and
that chastity brings joy. Joy springs
from an awareness of maturation and
harmony in one's emotional life, a gift
of God and a gift of love that makes
self-giving possible in the framework
of one's vocation. Man is in fact the
only creature on earth whom God wanted
for its own sake, and "man can
fully discover his true self only in
a sincere giving of himself". Gaudium
et Spes, 24. "Christ gave laws
for everyone...I do not prohibit you
from marrying, nor am I against your
enjoying yourself. I only want you to
do this with temperance, without indecency,
guilt and sin. I do not make a law that
you should flee to the mountains and
deserts, rather that you should be good,
modest and chaste, as you live in the
midst of the cities". St. John
Chrysostom, Homiliae in Matthaeum, 7,7:
PG 57, 80-81.
74. God's help is never lacking
if each person makes the necessary commitment
to respond to his grace. In helping,
forming and respecting their children's
conscience, parents should see that
they receive the sacraments with awareness,
guiding them by their own example. If
children and young people experience
the effects of God's grace and mercy
in the sacraments, they will be capable
of living chastity well, as a gift of
God, for his glory and in order to love
him and other people. Necessary and
supernaturally effective help is provided
by the Sacrament of Reconciliation,
especially if a regular confessor is
available. Although it does not necessarily
coincide with the role of confessor,
spiritual guidance or direction is a
valuable aid in progressively enlightening
the stages of growth and as moral support.
Reading well-chosen and recommended
books of formation is also of great
help both in offering a wider and deeper
formation and in providing examples
and testimonies of virtue.
75. Once the objectives of the
information to be provided have been
identified, the time and ways must be
specified, starting from childhood.
Parents should provide this information
with great delicacy, but clearly and
at the appropriate time. Parents are
well aware that their children must
be treated in a personalized way, according
to the personal conditions of their
physiological and psychological development,
and taking into due consideration the
cultural environment of life and the
adolescent's daily experience. In order
to evaluate properly what they should
say to each child, it is very important
that parents first of all seek light
from the Lord in prayer and that they
discuss this together so that their
words will be neither too explicit nor
too vague. Giving too many details to
children is counterproductive. But delaying
the first information for too long is
imprudent, because every human person
has natural curiosity in this regard
and, sooner or later, everyone begins
to ask themselves questions, especially
in cultures where too much can be seen,
even in public.
76. In general, the first sexual
information to be given to a small child
does not deal with genital sexuality,
but rather with pregnancy and the birth
of a brother or sister. The child's
natural curiosity is stimulated, for
example, when it sees the signs of pregnancy
in its mother and experiences waiting
for a baby. Parents can take advantage
of this happy experience in order to
communicate some simple facts about
pregnancy, but always in the deepest
context of wonder at the creative work
of God, who wants the new life he has
given to be cared for in the mother's
body, near her heart.
Children's Principal Stages of Development
77. It is important for parents
to take their children's needs into
consideration during the different stages
of development. Keeping in mind that
each child should receive individualized
formation, parents can adapt the stages
of education in love to the particular
requirements of each child.
1.The Years of Innocence
78. It can be said that a child
is in the stage described in John Paul
II's words as "the years of innocence"
Familiaris Consortio, 37. from about
five years of age until puberty—the
beginning of which can be set at the
first signs of changes in the boy or
girl's body (the visible effect of an
increased production of sexual hormones).
This period of tranquility and serenity
must never be disturbed by unnecessary
information about sex. During those
years, before any physical sexual development
is evident, it is normal for the child's
interests to turn to other aspects of
life. The rudimentary instinctive sexuality
of very small children has disappeared.
Boys and girls of this age are not particularly
interested in sexual problems, and they
prefer to associate with children of
their own sex. So as not to disturb
this important natural phase of growth,
parents will recognize that prudent
formation in chaste love during this
period should be indirect, in preparation
for puberty, when direct information
will be necessary.
79. During this stage of development,
children are normally at ease with their
body and its functions. They accept
the need for modesty in dress and behaviour.
Although they are aware of the physical
differences between the two sexes, the
growing child generally shows little
interest in genital functions. The discovery
of the wonders of creation which accompanies
this phase and the experiences in this
regard at home and in school should
also be oriented towards the stages
of catechesis and preparation for the
sacraments which takes place within
the ecclesial community.
80. Nonetheless, this period
of childhood is not without its own
significance in terms of psycho-sexual
development. A growing boy or girl is
learning from adult example and family
experience what it means to be a woman
or a man. Certainly, expressions of
natural tenderness and sensitivity should
not be discouraged among boys, nor should
girls be excluded from vigorous physical
activities. On the other hand, in some
societies subjected to ideological pressures,
parents should also protect themselves
from an exaggerated opposition to what
is defined as a "stereotyping of
roles". The real differences between
the two sexes should not be ignored
or minimized, and in a healthy family
environment children will learn that
it is natural for a certain difference
to exist between the usual family and
domestic roles of men and women.
81. During this stage, girls
will generally be developing a maternal
interest in babies, motherhood and homemaking.
By constantly taking the Motherhood
of the most holy Virgin Mary as a model,
they should be encouraged to value their
femininity.
82. In this period, a boy is
at a relatively tranquil stage of development.
This is often the easiest time for him
to set up a good relationship with his
father. At this time, he should learn
that, although it must be considered
as a divine gift, his masculinity is
not a sign of superiority with regard
to women, but a call from God to take
on certain roles and responsibilities.
Boys should be discouraged from becoming
overly aggressive or too concerned about
physical prowess as proof of their virility.
83. Nonetheless, in the context
of moral and sexual information, various
problems can arise in this stage of
childhood. In some societies today,
there are planned and determined attempts
to impose premature sex information
on children. But, at this stage of development,
children are still not capable of fully
understanding the value of the affective
dimension of sexuality. They cannot
understand and control sexual imagery
within the proper context of moral principles
and, for this reason, they cannot integrate
premature sexual information with moral
responsibility. Such information tends
to shatter their emotional and educational
development and to disturb the natural
serenity of this period of life. Parents
should politely but firmly exclude any
attempts to violate children's innocence
because such attempts compromise the
spiritual, moral and emotional development
of growing persons who have a right
to their innocence.
84. A further problem arises
when children receive premature sex
information from the mass media or from
their peers who have been led astray
or received premature sex education.
In this case, parents will have to begin
to give carefully limited sexual information,
usually to correct immoral and erroneous
information or to control obscene language.
85. Sexual violence with regard
to children is not infrequent. Parents
must protect their children, first by
teaching them a form of modesty and
reserve with regard to strangers, as
well as by giving suitable sexual information,
but without going into details and particulars
that might upset or frighten them.
86. As in the first years of
life also during childhood, parents
should encourage a spirit of collaboration,
obedience, generosity and self-denial
in their children, as well as a capacity
for self-reflection and sublimation.
In fact, a characteristic of this period
of development is an attraction toward
intellectual activities. Using the intellect
makes it possible to acquire the strength
and ability to control the surrounding
situation and, before long, to control
bodily instincts, so as to transform
them into intellectual and rational
activities.
An undisciplined or spoilt child is
inclined toward a certain immaturity
and moral weakness in future years because
chastity is difficult to maintain if
a person develops selfish or disordered
habits and cannot behave with proper
concern and respect for others. Parents
should present objective standards of
what is right and wrong, thereby creating
a sure moral framework for life.
2. Puberty
87. Puberty, which constitutes
the initial phase of adolescence, is
a time in which parents are called to
be particularly attentive to the Christian
education of their children. This is
a time of self-discovery and "of
one's own inner world, the time of generous
plans, the time when the feeling of
love awakens, with the biological impulses
of sexuality, the time of the desire
to be together, the time of particularly
intense joy connected with the exhilarating
discovery of life. But often it is also
the age of deeper questioning, of anguished
or even frustrating searching, of a
certain mistrust of others and dangerous
introspection, and the age sometimes
of the first experiences of setbacks
and of disappointments". John Paul
II, Apostolic Exhortation Catechesi
Tradendae, October 16, 1979, 38; AAS
71 (1979), p. 1309.
88. Parents should pay particular
attention to their children's gradual
development and to their physical and
psychological changes, which are decisive
in the maturing of the personality.
Without showing anxiety, fear or obsessive
concern, parents will not let cowardice
or convenience hinder their work. This
is naturally an important moment in
teaching the value of chastity, which
will also be expressed in the way sexual
information is given. In this phase,
educational needs also concern the genital
aspects, hence requiring a presentation
both on the level of values and the
reality as a whole. Moreover, this implies
an understanding of the context of procreation,
marriage and the family, a context which
must be kept present in an authentic
task of sexual education. This positive
attitude is deeply rooted in many cultures
and puberty is celebrated with "rites
of passage" or forms of initiation
into adult life. Under the careful guidance
of the Church, Catholics can take on
what is good and authentic in these
customs, purifying them from what may
be inadequate or immoral.
89. Beginning with the changes
which their sons and daughters experience
in their bodies, parents are thus bound
to give more detailed explanations about
sexuality (in an on-going relationship
of trust and friendship) each time girls
confide in their mothers and boys in
their fathers. This relationship of
trust and friendship should have already
started in the first years of life.
90. Another important task for
parents is following the gradual physiological
development of their daughters and helping
them joyfully to accept the development
of their femininity in a bodily, psychological
and spiritual sense. Cf. Mulieris Dignitatem,
17 ff. Therefore, normally, one should
discuss the cycles of fertility and
their meaning. But it is still not necessary
to give detailed explanations about
sexual union, unless this is explicitly
requested.
91. It is very important for
adolescent boys to be helped to understand
the stages of physical and physiological
development of the genital organs before
they get this information from their
companions or from persons who are not
well-intentioned. The physiological
facts about male puberty should be presented
in an atmosphere of serenity, positively
and with reserve, in the framework of
marriage, family and fatherhood. Instructing
both adolescent girls and boys should
also include detailed and sufficient
information about the bodily and psychological
characteristics of the opposite sex,
about whom their curiosity is growing.
In this area, the additional supportive
information of a conscientious doctor
or even a psychologist can help parents,
without separating this information
from what pertains to the faith and
the educational work of the priest.
92. Through a trusting and open
dialogue, parents can guide their daughters
in facing any emotional perplexity,
and support the value of Christian chastity
out of consideration for the other sex.
Instruction for both girls and boys
should aim at pointing out the beauty
of motherhood and the wonderful reality
of procreation, as well as the deep
meaning of virginity. In this way they
will be helped to go against the hedonistic
mentality which is very widespread today
and particularly, at such a decisive
stage, in preventing the "contraceptive
mentality", which unfortunately
is very common and which girls will
have to face later in marriage.
93. During puberty, the psychological
and emotional development of boys can
make them vulnerable to erotic fantasies
and they may be tempted to try sexual
experiences. Parents should be close
to their sons and correct the tendency
to use sexuality in a hedonistic and
materialistic way. Therefore, they should
remind boys about God's gift, received
in order to cooperate with him "to
actualize in history the original blessing
of the Creator that of transmitting
by procreation the divine image from
person to person..."; and this
will strengthen their awareness that,
"Fecundity is the fruit and the
sign of conjugal love, the living testimony
of the full reciprocal self-giving of
the spouses". Familiaris Consortio,
28; cf. also Gaudium et Spes, 50. In
this way sons will also learn the respect
due to women. The parents' task of informing
and instructing is necessary, not because
their sons would not know about sexual
reality in other ways, but so that they
will know about it in the right light.
94. In a positive and prudent
way, parents will carry out what the
Fathers of the Second Vatican Council
requested: "It is important to
give suitable and timely instruction
to young people, above all in the heart
of their own families, about the dignity
of married love, its role and its exercise;
in this way they will be able to engage
in honourable courtship and enter upon
marriage of their own". Gaudium
et Spes, 49.
Positive information about sexuality
should always be part of a formation
plan so as to create the Christian context
in which all information about life,
sexual activity, anatomy and hygiene
is given. Therefore, the spiritual and
moral dimensions must always be predominant
so as to have two special purposes:
presenting God's commandments as a way
of life and the formation of a right
conscience.
To the young man who asked him what
he had to do in order to attain eternal
life, Jesus replied: "If you would
enter life, keep the commandments"
(Matthew 19:17). After listing the ones
that concern love for one's neighbour,
Jesus summed them up in this positive
formulation: "You shall love your
neighbour as yourself" (Matthew
19:19). In order to present the commandments
as God's gift (written by his hand,
cf. Exodus 31: 18), expressing the Covenant
with him, confirmed by Jesus' own example,
it is very important for the adolescent
not to separate the commandments from
their relationship with a rich interior
life, free from selfishness. Cf. Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2052 ff.
95. As its departure point,
the formation of conscience requires
being enlightened about: God's project
of love for every single person, the
positive and liberating value of the
moral law, and awareness both of the
weakness caused by sin and the means
of grace which strengthen us on our
path towards the good and towards salvation.
"Moral conscience, present at
the heart of the person" which
is "man's most secret core and
sanctuary", as the Second Vatican
Council affirms, Gaudium et Spes, 16.
"enjoins him at the appropriate
moment to do good and to avoid evil.
It also judges particular choices, approving
those that are good and denouncing those
that are evil. It bears witness to the
authority of truth in reference to the
supreme Good to which the human person
is drawn, and it welcomes the commandments".
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1777.
In fact, "conscience is a judgement
of reason whereby the human person recognizes
the moral quality of a concrete act
that he is going to perform, is in the
process of performing, or has already
completed". Ibid., 1778. Therefore,
the formation of conscience requires
being enlightened about the truth and
God's plan and must not be confused
with a vague subjective feeling or with
personal opinion.
96. In answering children's
questions, parents should offer well-reasoned
arguments about the great value of chastity
and show the intellectual and human
weakness of theories that inspire permissive
and hedonistic behaviour. They will
answer clearly, without giving excessive
importance to pathological sexual problems.
Nor will they give the false impression
that sex is something shameful or dirty,
because it is a great gift of God who
placed the ability to generate life
in the human body, thereby sharing his
creative power with us. Indeed, both
in the Scriptures (cf. Song of Songs
1-8; Hosea 2; Jeremiah 3: 1-3; Ezekiel
23, etc.) and in the Christian mystical
tradition, Cf. St. Teresa of Avila,
Poems, 5-9; St. John of the Cross, Poems,
10. conjugal love has always been considered
a symbol and image of God's love for
us.
97. Since boys and girls at
puberty are particularly vulnerable
to emotional influences, through dialogue
and the way they live, parents have
the duty to help their children resist
negative outside influences that may
lead them to have little regard for
Christian formation in love and chastity.
Especially in societies overwhelmed
by consumer pressures, parents should
sometimes watch out for their children's
relations with young people of the opposite
sex—without making it too obvious.
Even if they are socially acceptable,
some habits of speech and conduct are
not morally correct and represent a
way of trivializing sexuality, reducing
it to a consumer object. Parents should
therefore teach their children the value
of Christian modesty, moderate dress,
and, when it comes to trends, the necessary
autonomy characteristic of a man or
woman with a mature personality. Cf.
Educational Guidance in Human Love,
90.
3. Adolescence in One's Plan in
Life
98. In terms of personal development,
adolescence represents the period of
self-projection and therefore the discovery
of one's vocation. Both for physiological,
social and cultural reasons, this period
tends to be longer today than in the
past. Christian parents should "educate
the children for life in such a way
that each one may fully perform his
or her role according to the vocation
received from God". Familiaris
Consortio, 53. This is an extremely
important task which basically constitutes
the culmination of the parents' mission.
Although this task is always important,
it becomes especially so in this period
of their children's life: "Therefore,
in the life of each member of the lay
faithful there are particularly significant
and decisive moments for discerning
God's call...Among these are the periods
of adolescence and young adulthood".
Christifideles Laici, 58.
99. It is very important for
young people not to find themselves
alone in discerning their personal vocation.
Parental advice is relevant, at times
decisive, as well as the support of
a priest or other properly formed persons
(in parishes, associations or in the
new fruitful ecclesial movements, etc.)
who are capable of helping them discover
the vocational meaning of life and the
various forms of the universal call
to holiness. "Christ's 'Follow
me' makes itself heard on the different
paths taken by the disciples and confessors
of the divine Redeemer". John Paul
II, Apostolic Letter to the Young People
of the World, Parati Semper, March 31,
1985, L'Osservatore Romano, April 1,
1985, p. 1, 9.
100. For centuries, the concept
of vocation was reserved exclusively
for the priesthood and religious life.
In recalling the Lord's teaching, "You,
therefore, must be perfect, as your
heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew
5:48), the Second Vatican Council renewed
the universal call to holiness. Cf.
Lumen Gentium, Chapter V. As Pope Paul
VI wrote shortly after the Council:
"This strong invitation to holiness
could be regarded as the most characteristic
element in the whole Magisterium of
the Council, and so to say, its ultimate
purpose." Paul VI, Motu Proprio,
Sanctitatis Clarior, March 19, 1969;
AAS
61 (1969), p. 149. This was reiterated
by Pope John Paul II: "The Second
Vatican Council has significantly spoken
on the universal call to holiness. It
is possible to say that this call to
holiness is precisely the basic charge
entrusted to all the sons and daughters
of the Church by a Council which intended
to bring a renewal of Christian life
based on the gospel. See, in particular,
Lumen Gentium, Chapter V, 39-42, which
deals with the universal call to holiness
in the Church. This charge is not a
simple moral exhortation, but an undeniable
requirement arising from the mystery
of the Church". Christifideles
Laici, 16.
God calls everyone to holiness. He
has very precise plans for each person,
a personal vocation which each must
recognize, accept and develop. To all
Christians -priests, laity, married
people or celibates—the words of
the Apostle of the Nations apply: "God's
chosen ones, holy and beloved"
(Colossians 3: 12).
101. Therefore, in catechesis
and the formation given both within
and outside of the family, the Church's
teaching on the sublime value of virginity
and celibacy must never be lacking,
Cf. Tertullian, De Exhortatione Castitatis,
10: CChL 2, 1029-1030; St. Cyprian,
De Habitu Virginum, 3 and 22: CSEL 3/1,
189, 202-203; St. Athanasius, De Virginitate:
PG 28, 252-281; St. John Chrysostom,
De Virginitate: SCh 125; Pius XII, Apostolic
Exhortation, Menti Nostrae, September
23, 1950; AAS 42 (1950), p. 682; John
XXIII, Address to the participants in
the First International Congress on
"The Vocations to States of Perfection
in the World today", organized
by the Sacred Congregation for Religious,
December 16, 1961; AAS 54 (1962), p.
33; Lumen Gentium, 42; Familiaris Consortio,
16. but also the vocational meaning
of marriage, which a Christian can never
regard as only a human venture. As St.
Paul says "This is a great mystery,
and I mean in reference to Christ and
the church." (Ephesians 5:32).
Giving young people this firm conviction
is of supreme importance for the good
both of the Church and humanity which
"depend in great part on parents
and on the family life that they build
in their homes". John Paul II,
Homily at the Mass in Limerick (Ireland),
October 1, 1979; L'Osservatore Romano,
English edition, October 15, 1979, pp.
6-7.
102. Parents should always strive
to give example and witness with their
own lives to fidelity to God and one
another in the marriage covenant. Their
example is especially decisive in adolescence,
the phase when young people are looking
for lived and attractive behaviour models.
Since sexual problems become more evident
at this time, parents should also help
them to love the beauty and strength
of chastity through prudent advice,
highlighting the inestimable value of
prayer and frequent fruitful recourse
to the sacraments for a chaste life,
especially personal confession. Furthermore,
parents should be capable of giving
their children, when necessary, a positive
and serene explanation of the solid
points of Christian morality such as,
for example, the indissolubility of
marriage and the relationship between
love and procreation, as well as the
immorality of premarital relations,
abortion, contraception and masturbation.
With regard to these immoral situations
that contradict the meaning of giving
in marriage, it is also good to recall
that: "The two dimensions of conjugal
union, the unitive and the procreative,
cannot be artificially separated without
damaging the deepest truth of the conjugal
act itself". Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 12. In this regard,
an in-depth and reflective knowledge
of the documents of the Church dealing
with these problems will be of valuable
assistance to parents. In addition to
Gaudium et Spes, 47-52, Humanae Vitae
and Familiaris Consortio, there are
other important Documents at their disposal
such as: the Congregation for the Doctrine
of the Faith, Persona Humana and the
Letter to Bishops of the Catholic Church
on The Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons,
October 1, 1986; L'Osservatore Romano,
English edition, November 10, 1986,
pp. 2-3, and the Congregation for Catholic
Education, Educational Guidance in Human
Love, together with the teaching of
the Catechism of the Catholic Church,
2331-2400, 2514-2533.
103. Masturbation particularly
constitutes a very serious disorder
that is illicit in itself and cannot
be morally justified, although "the
immaturity of adolescence (which can
sometimes persist after that age), psychological
imbalance or habit can influence behaviour,
diminishing the deliberate character
of the act and bringing about a situation
whereby subjectively there may not always
be serious fault". Persona Humana,
9. Therefore, adolescents should be
helped to overcome manifestations of
this disorder, which often express the
inner conflicts of their age and, in
many cases, a selfish vision of sexuality.
104. A particular problem that
can appear during the process of sexual
maturation is homosexuality, which is
also spreading more and more in urbanized
societies. This phenomenon must be presented
with balanced judgement, in the light
of the documents of the Church. Documents
of the Congregation for the Doctrine
of the Faith: Persona Humana and The
Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons
as well as the Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2357-2359. Young people need
to be helped to distinguish between
the concepts of what is normal and abnormal,
between subjective guilt and objective
disorder, avoiding what would arouse
hostility. On the other hand, the structural
and complementary orientation of sexuality
must be well clarified in relation to
marriage, procreation and Christian
chastity. "Homosexuality refers
to relations between men or between
women who experience an exclusive or
predominant sexual attraction toward
persons of the same sex. It has taken
a great variety of forms through the
centuries and in different cultures.
Its psychological genesis remains largely
unexplained". Catechism of the
Catholic Church, 2357. A distinction
must be made between a tendency that
can be innate and acts of homosexuality
that "are intrinsically disordered"
Persona Humana, 8. and contrary to Natural
Law. Cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church,
2357.
Especially when the practice of homosexual
acts has not become a habit, many cases
can benefit from appropriate therapy.
In any case, persons in this situation
must be accepted with respect, dignity
and delicacy, and all forms of unjust
discrimination must be avoided. If parents
notice the appearance of this tendency
or of related behaviour in their children,
during childhood or adolescence, they
should seek help from expert qualified
persons in order to obtain all possible
assistance.
For most homosexual persons, this condition
constitutes a trial. "They must
be accepted with respect, compassion
and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust
discrimination in their regard should
be avoided. These persons are called
to fulfil God's will in their lives
and, if they are Christians, to unite
to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross
the difficulties they may encounter
from their condition". Ibid., 2358.
"Homosexual persons are called
to chastity". Ibid., 2359.
105. Awareness of the positive
significance of sexuality for personal
harmony and development, as well as
the person's vocation in the family,
society and the Church, always represents
the educational horizon to be presented
during the stages of adolescent growth.
It must never be forgotten that the
disordered use of sex tends progressively
to destroy the person's capacity to
love by making pleasure, instead of
sincere self-giving, the end of sexuality
and by reducing other persons to objects
of one's own gratification. In this
way the meaning of true love between
a man and a woman (love always open
to life) is weakened as well as the
family itself. Moreover, this subsequently
leads to disdain for the human life
which could be conceived, which, in
some situations, is then regarded as
an evil that threatens personal pleasure.
Together with awareness of the particular
strength of the libido—revealed
by study of the human psyche—this
helps us understand the teaching of
the Church regarding the seriousness
of any disordered use of sex: "According
to Christian tradition...and as right
reason also recognizes, the moral order
of sexuality involves such high values
of human life that every direct violation
of this order is objectively serious.",
Persona Humana, 10. (Note that the Church
teaches the serious character because
of the object of the act, but this does
not exclude the absence of grave guilt
owing to the imperfection of the will.
Indeed, in the same number of Persona
Humana, it is made clear that, in this
area, such imperfection is quite possible).
"The trivialization of sexuality
is among the principal factors which
have led to contempt for new life. Only
a true love is able to protect life".
Evangelium Vitae, 97.
106. We must also remember how
adolescents in industrialized societies
are preoccupied and at times disturbed
not only by the problems of self-identity,
discovering their plan in life and difficulties
in successfully integrating sexuality
in a mature and well-oriented personality.
They also have problems in accepting
themselves and their bodies. In this
regard, out-patient and specialized
centres for adolescents have now sprung
up, often characterized by purely hedonistic
purposes. On the other hand, a healthy
culture of the body leads to accepting
oneself as a gift and as an incarnated
spirit, called to be open to God and
society. A healthy culture of the body
should accompany formation in this very
constructive period, which is also not
without its risks.
In the face of what hedonistic groups
propose, especially in affluent societies,
it is very important to present young
people with the ideals of human and
Christian solidarity and concrete ways
of being committed in Church associations,
movements and voluntary Catholic and
missionary activities.
107. Friendships are very important
in this period. According to local social
conditions and customs, adolescence
is a time when young people enjoy more
autonomy in their relations with others
and in the hours they keep in family
life. Without taking away their rightful
autonomy, when necessary, parents should
know how to say "no" to their
children One only has to think of the
abuses that often take place in some
discotheques, even among boys and girls
under 16 years of age. and, at the same
time, they should know how to cultivate
a taste in their children for what is
beautiful, noble and true. Parents should
also be sensitive to adolescents' self-esteem,
which may pass through a confused phase
when they are not clear about what personal
dignity means and requires.
108. Through loving and patient
advice, parents will help young people
to avoid an excessive closing in on
themselves. When necessary, they will
also teach them to go against social
trends that tend to stifle true love
and an appreciation for spiritual realities:
"Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary
the devil prowls around like a roaring
lion, seeking some one to devour. Resist
him, firm in your faith, knowing that
the same experience of suffering is
required of your brotherhood throughout
the world. And after you have suffered
a little while, the God of all grace,
who has called you to his eternal glory
in Christ, will himself restore, establish,
and strengthen you." (1 Peter 5:
8-10).
4. Towards Adulthood
109. It is not within the scope
of this document to deal with the subject
of proximate and immediate preparation
for marriage, required for Christian
formation and particularly recommended
by the needs of the times and Church
teaching. Cf. Familiaris Consortio,
66. Nevertheless, it must be kept in
mind that the parents' mission does
not end when their children come of
legal age which, in any case, varies
according to different cultures and
laws. Some particularly significant
moments for young people are also when
they enter the working world or higher
education, moments when they come into
contact with different behaviour models
and occasions that represent a real
personal challenge -a brusque contact
at times, but a potentially beneficial
one.
110. By keeping open a confident
dialogue that encourages a sense of
responsibility and respects their children's
legitimate and necessary autonomy, parents
will always be their reference point,
through both advice and example, so
that the process of broader socialization
will make it possible for them to achieve
a mature and integrated personality,
internally and socially. In a special
way, care should be taken that children
do not discontinue their faith relationship
with the Church and her activities which,
on the contrary, should be intensified.
They should learn how to choose models
of thought and life for their future
and how to become committed in the cultural
and social area as Christians, without
fear of professing that they are Christians
and without losing a sense of vocation
and the search for their own vocation.
In the period leading to engagement
and the choice of that preferred attachment
which can lead to forming a family,
the role of parents should not consist
merely in prohibitions, much less in
imposing the choice of a fiancée.
On the contrary, they should help their
children to define the necessary conditions
for a serious, honorable and promising
union, and support them on a path of
clear and coherent Christian witness
in relating with the person of the other
sex.
111. Parents should avoid adopting
the widespread mentality whereby girls
are given every recommendation regarding
virtue and the value of virginity, while
the same is not required for boys, as
if everything were licit for them.
For a Christian conscience and a vision
of marriage and the family, St. Paul's
recommendation to the Philippians holds
for every type of vocation: "...whatever
is true, whatever is honourable, whatever
is just, whatever is pure, whatever
is lovely, whatever is gracious, if
there is any excellency, if there is
anything worthy of praise, think about
these things" (Philippians 4:8).
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VII—Practical Guidelines
112. In the context of education
in the virtues, parents thus have the
task of making themselves the promoters
of their children's authentic education
for love. Through its very nature, the
primary generation of a human life in
the procreative act must be followed
by the secondary generation, whereby
parents help their child to develop
his or her own personality.
Therefore, summing up what has been
said so far and putting it on a practical
level, whatever is set out in the following
paragraphs is recommended. The following
recommendations have been formulated:
(a) in the light of the right of every
person to believe and practise the Catholic
Faith: cf. Second Vatican Council, Declaration
on Religious Freedom, Dignitatis Humanae,
1, 2, 5, 13, 14; Charter of the Rights
of the Family, Article 7; (b) in terms
of the rights, freedom and dignity of
the family: cf. Preamble of the Charter
of the Rights of the Family; Dignitatis
Humanae, 5; Familiaris Consortio, 26,
42, 46.
Recommendations for Parents and
Educators
113. It is recommended that
parents be aware of their own educational
role and defend and carry out this primary
right and duty. Cf. Gravissimum Educationis,
3; Familiaris Consortio, 36; Charter
of the Rights of the Family, Article
5. It follows that any educative activity,
related to education for love and carried
out by persons outside the family, must
be subject to the parents' acceptance
of it and must be seen not as a substitute
but as a support for their work. In
fact, "Sex education, which is
a basic right and duty of parents, must
always be carried out under their attentive
guidance whether at home or in educational
centres chosen and controlled by them."
Familiaris Consortio, 37. Frequently
parents are not lacking in awareness
and effort, but they are quite alone,
defenceless and often made to feel they
are wrong. They need understanding,
but also support and help by groups,
associations and institutions.
1. Recommendations for Parents
114.1. It is recommended that
parents associate with other parents,
not only in order to protect, maintain
or fill out their own role as the primary
educators of their children, especially
in the area of education for love, Cf.
Charter of the Rights of the Family,
Articles 8 a. and 5 c.; Code of Canon
Law, January 25, 1983, Canons 215, 223
$ 2, 799; Letter to Families, Gratissimam
Sane, 16. but also to fight against
damaging forms of sex education and
to ensure that their children will be
educated according to Christian principles
and in a way that is consonant with
their personal development.
115.2. In the case where parents
are helped by others in educating their
own children for love, it is recommended
that they keep themselves precisely
informed on the content and methodology
with which such supplementary education
is imparted. This recommendation is
derived from the Charter of the Rights
of the Family, Article 5, c., d., e.,
because the right to know implies supervision
and control on the part of parents.
No one can bind children or young people
to secrecy about the content and method
of instruction provided outside the
family.
116. 3. We are aware of the
difficulty and often the impossibility
for parents to participate fully in
all supplementary instruction provided
outside the home. Nevertheless, they
have the right to be informed about
the structure and content of the programme.
In all cases, their right to be present
during classes cannot be denied. This
recommendation is derived from the Charter
of the Rights of the Family, Article
5 c., d., e., because parents' participation
facilitates the supervision and control
of their own children's education for
love
117.4. It is recommended that
parents attentively follow every form
of sex education that is given to their
children outside the home, removing
their children whenever this education
does not correspond to their own principles.
This recommendation is derived from
the Charter of the Rights of the Family,
Article 5 c., d., e., because the right
to remove children from sexual formation
gives parents the freedom to exercise
their right to educate their own children
according to their conscience (Article
5 a. of the Charter).
However, such a decision of the parents
must not become grounds for discrimination
against their children. Cf. Charter
of the Rights of the Family, Article
7. On the other hand, parents who remove
their children from such instruction
have the duty to give them an adequate
formation, appropriate to each child
or young person's stage of development.
2. Recommendations for All Educators
118.1. Since each child or young
person must be able to live his or her
own sexuality in conformity with Christian
principles, and hence be able to exercise
the virtue of chastity, no educator
not even parents—can interfere
with this right to chastity (cf. Matthew
18: 4-7). Ibid., Article 4 e.
119.2. It is recommended that
respect be given to the right of the
child and the young person to be adequately
informed by their own parents on moral
and sexual questions in a way that complies
with his or her desire to be chaste
and to be formed in chastity. This recommendation
is derived from Gravissimum Educationis,
1. This right is further qualified by
a child's stage of development, his
or her capacity to integrate moral truth
with sexual information and by respect
for his or her innocence and tranquility.
120.3. It is recommended that
respect be given to the right of the
child or young person to withdraw from
any form of sexual instruction imparted
outside the home. This recommendation
is the practical extension of the right
of the child to be chaste, n. 118 above,
and corresponds to the parents' right,
n. 117 above. Neither the children nor
other members of their family should
ever be penalized or discriminated against
for this decision.
Four Working Principles and Their Particular
Norms
121. In the light of these recommendations,
education for love can take concrete
form in four working principles.
122.1. Human sexuality is a
sacred mystery and must be presented
according to the doctrinal and moral
teaching of the Church, always bearing
in mind the effects of original sin.
Informed by Christian reverence and
realism, this doctrinal principle must
guide every moment of education for
love. In an age when the mystery has
been taken from human sexuality, parents
must take care to avoid trivializing
human sexuality, in their teaching and
in the help offered by others. In particular,
profound respect must be maintained
for the difference between man and woman
which reflects the love and fruitfulness
of God himself.
123. At the same time, when
teaching Catholic doctrine and morality
about sexuality, the lasting effects
of original sin must be taken into account,
that is to say, human weakness and the
need for the grace of God to overcome
temptations and avoid sin. In this regard,
the conscience of every individual must
be formed clearly, precisely and in
accord with spiritual values. But Catholic
morality is never limited to teaching
about avoiding sin. It also deals with
growth in the Christian virtues and
developing the capacity for self-giving
in the vocation of one's own life.
124.2. Only information proportionate
to each phase of their individual development
should be presented to children and
young people.
This principle of timing has already
been presented in the study of the various
phases of the development of children
and young people. Parents and all who
help them should be sensitive: (a) to
the different phases of development,
in particular, the "years of innocence"
and puberty, (b) to the way each child
or young person experiences the various
stages of life, (c) to particular problems
associated with these stages.
125. In the light of this principle,
the relevance of timing in relation
to specific problems can also be indicated.
(a) In later adolescence, young
people can first be introduced to the
knowledge of the signs of fertility
and then to the natural regulation of
fertility, but only in the context of
education for love, fidelity in marriage,
God's plan for procreation and respect
for human life.
(b) Homosexuality should not
be discussed before adolescence unless
a specific serious problem has arisen
in a particular situation. Cf. Educational
Guidance in Human Love, 101-103. This
subject must be presented only in terms
of chastity, health and "the truth
about human sexuality in its relationship
to the family as taught by the Church."
The Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons,
17.
(c) Sexual perversions that
are relatively rare should not be dealt
with except through individual counseling,
as the parents' response to genuine
problems.
126.3. No material of an erotic
nature should be presented to children
or young people of any age, individually
or in a group.
This principle of decency must safeguard
the virtue of Christian chastity. Therefore
in passing on sexual information in
the context of education for love, the
instruction must always be "positive
and prudent" Gravissimum Educationis,
1. and "clear and delicate".
Familiaris Consortio, 37. These four
words used by the Catholic Church exclude
every form of unacceptable content in
sexual education. For example: (a) visual
erotic material, (b) written or verbal
erotic presentations (cf. Educational
Guidance in Human Love, 76), (c) obscene
or coarse language, (d) indecent humour,
(e) the denigration of chastity and
(f) attempts to minimize the gravity
of sin against this virtue.
Moreover, even if they are not erotic,
graphic and realistic representations
of childbirth, for example in a film,
should be made known gradually, so as
not to create fear and negative attitudes
towards procreation in girls and young
women.
127.4. No one should ever be
invited, let alone obliged, to act in
any way that could objectively offend
against modesty or which could subjectively
offend against his or her own delicacy
or sense of privacy.
This principle of respect for the child
excludes all improper forms of involving
children and young people. In this regard,
among other things, this can include
the following methods that abuse sex
education: (a) every "dramatized"
representation, mime or "role playing"
which depict genital or erotic matters,
(b) making drawings, charts or models
etc. of this nature, (c) seeking personal
information about sexual questions Excluding
the context of prudent and appropriate
teaching about the natural regulation
of fertility. or asking that family
information be divulged, (d) oral or
written exams about genital or erotic
questions.
Particular Methods
128. Parents and all who help
them should keep these principles and
norms in mind when they take up various
methods which seem suitable in the light
of parental and expert experience. We
will now go on to single out these recommended
methods. The main methods to avoid will
also be indicated, together with the
ideologies that promote and inspire
them.
(a) Recommended Methods
129. The normal and fundamental
method, already proposed in this guide,
is personal dialogue between parents
and their children, that is, individual
formation within the family circle.
In fact there is no substitute for a
dialogue of trust and openness between
parents and their children, a dialogue
which respects not only their stages
of development but also the young persons
as individuals. However, when parents
seek help from others, there are various
useful methods which can be recommended
in the light of parental experience
and in conformity with Christian prudence.
130.1. As couples or as individuals,
parents can meet with others who are
prepared for education for love to draw
on their experience and competence.
These people can offer explanations
and provide parents with books and other
resources approved by the ecclesiastical
authorities.
131.2. Parents who are not always
prepared to face up to the problematic
side of education for love can take
part in meetings with their children,
guided by expert persons who are worthy
of trust, for example, doctors, priests,
educators. In some cases, in the interest
of greater freedom of expression, meetings
where only daughters or sons are present
seem preferable.
132.3. In certain situations,
parents can entrust part of education
for love to another trustworthy person,
if there are matters which require a
specific competence or pastoral care
in particular cases.
133.4. Catechesis on morality
may be provided by other trustworthy
persons, with particular emphasis on
sexual ethics at puberty and adolescence.
Parents should take an interest in the
moral catechesis which is given to their
own children outside the home and use
it as a support for their own educational
work. Such catechesis must not include
the more intimate aspects of sexual
information, whether biological or affective,
which belong to individual formation
within the family. Cf. Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 58.
134.5. The religious formation
of the parents themselves, in particular
solid catechetical preparation of adults
in the truth of love, builds the foundations
of a mature faith that can guide them
in the formation of their own children.
Cf. Ibid., 63. This adult catechesis
enables them not only to deepen their
understanding of the community of life
and love in marriage, but also helps
them learn how to communicate better
with their own children. Furthermore,
in the very process of forming their
children in love, parents will find
that they benefit much, because they
will discover that this ministry of
love helps them to "maintain a
living awareness of the 'gift' they
continually receive from their children."
Familiaris Consortio, 21. To make parents
capable of carrying out their educational
work, special formation courses with
the help of experts can be promoted.
(b) Methods and Ideologies to Avoid
135. Today parents should be
attentive to ways in which an immoral
education can be passed on to their
children through various methods promoted
by groups with positions and interests
contrary to Christian morality. Cf.
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane,
13. It would be impossible to indicate
all unacceptable methods. Here are presented
only some of the more widely diffused
methods that threaten the rights of
parents and the moral life of their
children.
136. In the first place, parents
must reject secularized and antinatalist
sex education, which puts God at the
margin of life and regards the birth
of a child as a threat. This sex education
is spread by large organizations and
international associations that promote
abortion, sterilization and contraception.
These organizations want to impose a
false lifestyle against the truth of
human sexuality. Working at national
or state levels, these organizations
try to arouse the fear of the "threat
of over-population" among children
and young people to promote the contraceptive
mentality, that is, the "anti-life"
mentality. They spread false ideas about
the "reproductive health"
and "sexual and reproductive rights"
of young people. Cf. Pontifical Council
for the Family, "Instrumentum laboris",
Ethical and Pastoral Dimensions of Population
Trends, Libreria Editrice Vaticana,
March 25, 1994, 28 and 84; Educational
Guidance in Human Love, 62. Furthermore,
some antinatalist organizations maintain
those clinics which, violating the rights
of parents, provide abortion and contraception
for young people, thus promoting promiscuity
and consequently an increase in teenage
pregnancies. "As we look towards
the year 2000, how can we fail to think
of the young? What is being held up
to them? A society of 'things' and not
of 'persons'. The right to do as they
will from their earliest years, without
any constraint, provided it is 'safe'.
The unreserved gift of self, mastery
of one's instincts, the sense of responsibility—these
are notions considered as belonging
to another age." Letter of the
Holy Father to the Heads of State in
view of the Cairo Conference, March
19, 1994; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, April 20, 1994, p. 1.
137. Before adolescence, the
immoral nature of abortion, surgical
or chemical, can be gradually explained
in terms of Catholic morality and reverence
for human life. Cf. Evangelium Vitae,
58-63.
As regards sterilization and contraception,
these should not be discussed before
adolescence and only in conformity with
the teaching of the Catholic Church.
Cf. Educational Guidance in Human Love,
62. Therefore the moral, spiritual and
health values of methods for the natural
regulation of fertility will be emphasized,
at the same time indicating the dangers
and ethical aspects of the artificial
methods. In particular, the substantial
and deep difference between natural
methods and artificial methods will
be shown, both with regard to respect
for God's plan for marriage as well
as for achieving "the total reciprocal
self-giving of husband and wife"
Familiaris Consortio, 32. and openness
to life.
138. In some societies professional
associations of sex-educators, sex-counsellors
and sex-therapists are operating. Because
their work is often based on unsound
theories, lacking scientific value and
closed to an authentic anthropology,
theories that do not recognize the true
value of chastity, parents should regard
such associations with great caution,
no matter what official recognition
they may have received. When their outlook
is out of harmony with the teachings
of the Church, this is evident not only
in their work, but also in their publications
which are widely diffused in various
countries.
139. Another abuse occurs whenever
sex education is given to children by
teaching them all the intimate details
of genital relationships, even in a
graphic way. Today this is often motivated
by wanting to provide education for
"safe sex", above all in relation
to the spread of AIDS. In this situation,
parents must also reject the promotion
of so-called "safe sex" or
"safer sex", a dangerous and
immoral policy based on the deluded
theory that the condom can provide adequate
protection against AIDS. Parents must
insist on continence outside marriage
and fidelity in marriage as the only
true and secure education for the prevention
of this contagious disease.
140. One widely-used, but possibly
harmful, approach goes by the name of
"values clarification". Young
people are encouraged to reflect upon,
to clarify and to decide upon moral
issues with the greatest degree of "autonomy",
ignoring the objective reality of the
moral law in general and disregarding
the formation of consciences on the
specific Christian moral precepts, as
affirmed by the Magisterium of the Church.
Cf. John Paul II, Encyclical Letter,
Veritatis Splendor, August 6, 1993,
95-97; AAS 85 (1993), pp. 1208-1210.
Young people are given the idea that
a moral code is something which they
create themselves, as if man were the
source and norm of morality.
However, the values clarification method
impedes the true freedom and autonomy
of young people at an insecure stage
of their development. Cf. Ibid., 41,
on man's true moral autonomy. In practice,
not only is the opinion of the majority
favoured, but complex moral situations
are put before young people, far removed
from the normal moral choices they face
each day, in which good or evil are
easily recognizable. This unacceptable
method tends to be closely linked with
moral relativism, and thus encourages
indifference to moral law and permissiveness.
141. Parents should also be
attentive to ways in which sexual instruction
can be inserted in the context of other
subjects which are otherwise useful
(for example, health and hygiene, personal
development, family life, children's
literature, social and cultural studies
etc.). In these situations it is more
difficult to control the content of
sexual instruction. This method of inclusion
is used in particular by those who promote
sex instruction within the perspective
of birth control or in countries where
the government does not respect the
rights of parents in this field. But
catechesis would also be distorted if
the inseparable links between religion
and morality were to be used as a pretext
for introducing into religious instruction
the biological and affective sexual
information which the parents should
give according to their prudent decision
in their own home. Cf. Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 58.
142. Finally, as a general guideline,
one needs to bear in mind, that all
the different methods of sexual education
should be judged by parents in the light
of the principles and moral norms of
the Church, which express human values
in daily life. Cf. Ibid., 19; Familiaris
Consortio, 37. The negative effects
which various methods can produce in
the personality of children and young
people should also be taken into account.
Inculturation and Education for
Love
143. An authentic education
for love must take account of the cultural
context in which the parents and their
children live. As a union between professed
faith and concrete life, inculturization
means creating a harmonious relationship
between faith and culture, where Christ
and his Gospel have absolute precedence
over culture. "Therefore, because
it transcends the entire natural and
cultural order, the Christian faith
is, on the one hand, compatible with
all cultures insofar as they conform
to right reason and good will, and,
on the other hand, to an eminent degree,
is a dynamizing factor of culture. A
single principle explains the totality
of relationships between faith and culture:
Grace respects nature, healing in it
the wounds of sin, comforting and elevating
it. Elevation to the divine life is
the specific finality of grace, but
it cannot realize this unless nature
is healed and unless elevation to the
supernatural order brings nature, in
the way proper to itself, to the plenitude
of perfection." International Theological
Commission, Faith and Inculturization,
I, 10, October 3-8, 1988. Therefore,
explicit and premature sex education
can never be justified in the name of
a prevailing secularized culture. On
the contrary, parents must educate their
own children to understand and face
up to the forces of this culture, so
that they may always follow the way
of Christ.
144. In traditional cultures,
parents must not accept practices which
are contrary to Christian morality,
for example rites associated with puberty
which sometimes involve introducing
young people to sexual practices or
acts contrary to the dignity and rights
of the person, such as the genital mutilation
of girls. Thus the authorities of the
Church are to judge whether local customs
are compatible with Christian morality.
But, the traditions of modesty and reserve
in sexual matters, which characterize
various societies, must be respected
everywhere. At the same time, the right
of young people to adequate information
must be maintained. Furthermore, the
particular role of the family in such
a culture must be respected, Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 66. without imposing any
Western model of sex education.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VIII—Conclusion
Assistance for Parents
145. There are various way of
helping and supporting parents in fulfilling
their fundamental right and duty to
educate their children for love. Such
assistance never means taking from parents
or diminishing their formative right
and duty, because they remain "original
and primary", "irreplaceable
and inalienable". Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 36 and 40; Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 16. Therefore, the
role which others can carry out in helping
parents is always (a) subsidiary, because
the formative role of the family is
always preferable, and (b) subordinate,
that is, subject to the parents' attentive
guidance and control. Everyone must
observe the right order of cooperation
and collaboration between parents and
those who can help them in their task.
It is clear that the assistance of others
must be given first and foremost to
parents rather than to their children.
146. Those who are called to
help parents in educating their children
for love must be disposed and prepared
to teach in conformity with the authentic
moral doctrine of the Catholic Church.
Moreover, they must be mature persons,
of a good moral reputation, faithful
to their own Christian state of life,
married or single, laity, religious
or priests. They must not only be prepared
in the details of moral and sexual information
but they must also be sensitive to the
rights and role of parents and the family,
as well as the needs and problems of
children and young people. Those who
help parents can adapt the principles
indicated for teachers in Educational
Guidance in Human Love, 79-89. In this
way, in the light of the principles
and content of this guide, they must
enter "into the same spirit that
animates parents." Familiaris Consortio,
37. But if parents believe themselves
to be capable of providing an adequate
education for love, they are not bound
to accept assistance.
Valid Sources for Education for
Love
147. The Pontifical Council
for the Family is aware of the great
need for valid material, specifically
prepared for parents in conformity with
the principles set out in this guide.
Parents who are competent in this field
and convinced of these principles should
be involved in preparing this material.
They will thus be able to offer their
own experience and wisdom in order to
help others educate their children for
chastity. Parents will also welcome
the assistance and supervision of the
appropriate ecclesiastical authorities
in promoting suitable material and in
removing or correcting what does not
conform to the principles set out in
this guide, concerning doctrine, timing
and the content and method of such education.
See above, nos. 65-76, 121-144. These
principles also apply to all the modern
means of social communication. In a
special way, this Pontifical Council
for the Family is counting on the work
of sensitization and support by the
Episcopal Conferences, who will know
how to vindicate, where necessary, the
right of the family and parents and
their proper domains, also with regard
to State educational programmes.
Solidarity with Parents
148. In fulfilling a ministry
of love to their own children, parents
should enjoy the support and cooperation
of the other members of the Church.
The rights of parents must be recognized,
protected and maintained, not only to
ensure solid formation of children and
young people, but also to guarantee
the right order of cooperation and collaboration
between parents and those who can help
them in their task. Likewise, in parishes
or apostolates, clergy and religious
should support and encourage parents
in striving to form their own children.
In their turn, parents should remember
that the family is not the only or exclusive
formative community. Thus they should
cultivate a cordial and active relationship
with other persons who can help them,
while never forgetting their own inalienable
rights.
Hope and Trust
149. In the face of many challenges
to Christian chastity, the gifts of
nature and grace which parents enjoy
always remain the most solid foundations
on which the Church forms her children.
Much of the formation in the home is
indirect, incarnated in a loving and
tender atmosphere, for it arises from
the presence and example of parents
whose love is pure and generous. If
parents are given confidence in this
task of education for love, they will
be inspired to overcome the challenges
and problems of our times by their own
ministry of love.
150. The Pontifical Council
for the Family therefore urges parents
to have confidence in their rights and
duties regarding the education of their
children, so as to go forward with wisdom
and knowledge, knowing that they are
sustained by God's gift. In this noble
task, may parents always place their
trust in God through prayer to the Holy
Spirit, the gentle Paraclete and Giver
of all good gifts. May they seek the
powerful intercession and protection
of Mary Immaculate, the Virgin Mother
of fair love and model of faithful purity.
Let them also invoke Saint Joseph, her
just and chaste spouse, following his
example of fidelity and purity of heart.
Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation,
Redemptoris Custos, August 15, 1990,
31; AAS 82 (1990), p. 33. May parents
constantly rely on the love which they
offer to their own children, a love
which "casts out fear", which
"bears all things, believes all
things, hopes all things, endures all
things" (1 Corinthians 13: 7).
Such love is and must be aimed towards
eternity, towards the unending happiness
promised by Our Lord Jesus Christ to
those who follow him: "Blessed
are the pure of heart, for they shall
see God." (Matthew 5: 8).
Vatican City, November 21, 1995
Alfonso Card. Lopez Trujillo
President of the Pontifical Council
for the Family
Elio Sgreccia
Titular Bishop of Zama Minor
Secretary of the Pontifical Council
for the Family
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